Immune against words of affection?

@Ilikenature08

I can relate to what you’re saying. Indeed, I feel that people often speak like robots, saying only what is socially acceptable to say. At first I thought everyone was a hypocrite. As I grew older, I realized they have good intentions and I just decode social cues differently.

I’ve always been someone who struggles to express emotions and cannot lie, even if I recognize that sometimes it'd be helpful. When someone asks "how are you?", I actually need to be fine to say "I'm fine". Otherwise, I’d straight-up say I’m feeling terrible. 

Similarly, to tell someone they’re important to me and that I care about them, I would need to feel it deep in my soul. In any other case, I’m the kind of person who, if you cried in front of me, would stand there and awkwardly say, “Ehmm, do you need a tissue?”. I simply cannot fake care. On the one hand, this is good because I’m completely honest. On the other hand, it’s bad because, at the moment you’re crying in front of me, my apathy might worsen your emotional state.

I completely understand how frustrating it is to see that people don’t seem to mean what they say. Sometimes you wonder, “What’s going on? Do they think I’m stupid?” But the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Yes, there are fake behaviors and people, but at the same time the issue stems from how someone interprets certain concepts in their own mind (which doesn’t always align with how we perceive them). 

For me, the word "care" carries so much weight that it automatically translates to "I would give my life for you" in my head. For someone else, it could just mean "I like you and want you to be okay, even if I never see you again." And in between those two extremes there is a gray zone with many different interpretations. The mistake we all make is assuming everyone else uses our personal dictionary as a reference.

At this point of my life I know that not everyone who says "I care about you" means it as I have it in my head and I try not to get excited. At least not before their actions prove it. And this is how we become distrustful, cold and, as you said, immune to words of affections.

Maybe you'd expect an answer or solution at the end of this text but I have none. I face the exact same problem, so I'm just pouring out my thoughts... 

I understand how you feel about this, as I've experienced it with my partner. When you say, "I'll never know if they meant it or just say it because they feel like they have to", one thing you can do is look at their face. Unless they are really good at faking emotions, you can see if they mean it. The more time you spend with someone, the more you can understand how their facial expressions, tone, and body language indicate how they feel. If my partner is smiling and laughing without restraint when they express affection, I know they are happy and our connection is real. If their smile fades quickly, or they are frowning more, I know something's wrong, and we need to work on something. 

Also, for me, actions speak louder than words. Do they do nice things for you, or go out of their way for you? Sometimes the people we love do things that aren't good for us or make it look like they don't care about us. Humans make mistakes, and maybe they don't realize it hurts you, or they need to be reminded once in a while. But most of the time, a good partner will take actions that show they care about you and will do as much as they can to improve your life, even when it's not convenient for them. It's like you're investing in another person. I'm going to help my partner when they are sick, help them apply to schools, and a lot of other things to make them better and to strengthen our bond, because I'm building a future with them. And when I'm at a low point or need help, they're right there to support me too. 

Also, look into love languages and attachment styles. Some people use more verbal affirmations of love, others prefer more actions, gifts, etc.