I’ll never forgive you
You’ve convinced everyone that what I did was out of petty revenge when really i was having a god damn breakdown. How you said me and one other person were in cahoots when I only had a god damn brief exchange with her becuz she went to me and the other 2 ppl who were involved at the time who’s names I CANT REMEMBER. And I apologized for it not knowing wtf I was being accused of but i assumed I did something wrong. How u would make fetishy comments about trans ppl during our relationship while u were drunk. Remember what u said, ***? “Do you wanna have a threesome with a f*ta”? How u would constantly ask permission to stop drinking and u said the only reason why you will stop drinking is becuz we’re in a relationship. How much you placed ur trauma onto me and said how badly u wanted to die. How I was dealing w my own dysphoria and making sure u weren’t doing smth stupid. How u were controlling just becuz u got weirdly mad at some guy who wanted to hangout and talk with us. Becuz u said he was “trying to make a move” on me when I told u I wouldn’t let him do that. But no, u couldn’t just have trusted me and instead threatened to become a problem. How u would have your drunken tantrums when u didn’t get things your way. How u would profusely apologize just for me to reassure u becuz u clearly can’t take accountability for ur own *** guilt. How u were so weirdly *** fixated with the Amber Heard & Johnny Depp case & I felt off abt it but thought I was overreacting.
I DONT HAVE HOBBIES OR INTERESTS BECUZ I CANT FEEL JOY ANYMORE. I TRY TO PICK UP ON THINGS OR FOLLOW OTHERS INTERESTS BECUZ I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP. I WAS TRYING I WAS REALLY TRYING TO CONNECT. I JUST WANTED FRIENDS. I JUST WANTED TO TRANSITION. I JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO BE OKAY
I WAS IN THE PSYCHWARD WHEN I WAS 19 BECUZ I WAS SCARED IF I HAD PEDOPHILIA & IN DENIAL ABOUT IT. ITS JUST MY *** OCD HAS TO *** EVERYTHING UP. IDK HOW TO TALK ABT MY PROBLEMS ESPECIALLY VERBALLY BECUZ IDK HOW TO TALK SOMETIMES I CANT TALK
ARE U GOING TO ADDRESS THESE THINGS AS WELL, Q? ARE YOU GOINH TO HOLD URSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW MUCH OF A *** CREEP U WERE TOWARDS ME? HOW U WOULD UNPROMPTED BRING UP WEIRD SEXUAL COMMENTS?
“PARENTS ARE STILL TOGETHER HOW CAN U BE TRAUMATIZED” LIKE BEING ABLE TO DIVORCE ISNT A *** PRIVILEGE! SOME PPL HAVE TO STAY MARRIED BECUZ OF FAMILY RESPONSIBILITY. MY PARENTS & I WILL NEVER BE COMFORTABLE PUTTING MY HIGH SUPPORT NEEDS BROTHER IN A SUPPORT HOME BECUZ WE KNOW OF THE ABUSE THAT HAPPENS AT THOSE PLACES. MY MOM IS DISABLED AND CAN NEVER WORK & MY DAD DOESNT GET PAID ***. I KEEP FALLING OUT OF EMPLOYMENT BECUZ OF WORKPLACE CONDITIONS & MY GOD DAMN BACK PROBLEMS THAT I NEVER GET CHECKED BECUZ I DONT WANT TO KEEP FINANCIALLY BURDENING MU FAMILY
CALLING PPL LAZY SLOBS FOR BEING ON DISABILITY IS SO NAUSEATING. YOU *** HAVE NO *** CLUE WHAT MY PARENTS HAD TO DEAL WITH AND HOW THAT HAS IMPACTED MY BROTHER AND I. IM UTERRLY *** ALONE!!!!
IS ANYONE GOING TO *** BE REAL AND TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED NOW TO ME?? OR IS EVERYONE GOING TO BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED????
IF PPL KNEW HOW MUCH I CRIED BEING WORRIED SICK ABT OTHERS U WOULD UNDERSTAND!! I WANTED TO HUG SO MANY PPL AND TELL THEM ITS OKAY BUT I DIDNT WANT TO BE OVERBEARING AND WORRY IF I CAME ACROSS AS A CREEP
@blueOrange7790
hugss
I went back into the closet so many times becuz of these things. I don’t feel safe transitioning and I don’t feel good about my dysphoria idk what the *** to do