How do i leave the house to get help with my mental health?

Hi everyone,

I hope you're all doing well and that you've had a good day!

So, I can't leave the house without telling my parents, but I really wanted to drive to my college before May to look into some mental health resources. I've wondered for a few years if I might have ADHD, and I found out a few months ago that my college offers ADHD evaluations. The problem is, a few years ago I discussed the possibility of my having ADHD with a doctor, and she recommended that we tell my mom, and when we got back home my mom said she didn't think I had it, and we never looked into it (I had no idea where to even begin to find those resources and I was a new driver). And trying to get treatment for my now-diagnosed OCD was awful. After having a horrible year from *** where my OCD was so, so severe, and my parents didn't really notice anything, I finally got the courage to ask my mom for treatment, and she roadblocked me and told me that she would need to look into the service first. I sent her all the information that afternoon, and it took her six months to remember that I asked for this treatment, even though I would bring it up from time to time, and I tried to tell her a little bit about how it made me feel without going into the really bad symptoms, but she seemed to remember/allow me to get treatment when my older brother was struggling with his own mental health. She said she wasn't doing it because of him, and it was just that I was managing it so well that she kept forgetting, but it didn't really make me feel any better, and it sure felt like she only remembered so I could test this treatment out before looking into it for him or something. And then the whole time she kept telling me that everyone goes through what I was going through and "you're not special, no offense." She would say it like a joke but it kind of hurt, and she would keep saying it every time anything related to OCD would come up, until I was finally diagnosed with it. She even tried to tell me that some therapists just diagnose people so they can get money. I don't know if that's true or not, but I don't think that's something you should say under those circumstances.

So I really don't want to tell her that I want to drive up to my college for an ADHD evaluation (and some other resources I really firmly believe I need and would benefit greatly from). But I really don't want to lie. I tried looking to see if there were any events at my college going on that I could go to that I could also schedule those things for the same day, but I didn't really see anything that stood out. I don't really know what to do. I really wanted to do all these things this semester because I know if I just put it off any more I'll end up worse off, regretting that I didn't go, and I don't know when the next time I could go might be, so I really believe it isn't impossible that the whole year could go by and I still won't have sought this treatment. And worse, I'm graduating next year (end of May), so I think I really should have already been using these resources. And it's not impossible to find these resources outside of my college, but I would have no idea where to begin, and going to my college is way less suspicious and easier to get to. Plus, my location sharing is on, and they get a notification if it's turned off, so they can see everywhere I go and if I am supposed to be at an event and I'm at a different building I'm worried my mom might ask why I'm there, and if I take a long time I'm concerned she'll start checking in and I'll feel pressured to get back home. And there's no way I'm going to drive to another area entirely when they will know that i am not on campus. And virtual meetings are difficult because my bedroom is right above my older brother's and if he hears me talking he'll get angry, and my parents might hear. (And it isn't like I'm scheduling things for seven in the morning, the earliest meetings I have, which don't happen all that frequently and are for things like advising, are maybe 11am.)

I'm just afraid of how angry they'll be if they find out I did this behind their backs or something, and I really don't want to lie. There is some group work coming up for one of my classes, and I could always suggest we meet on campus (especially because the last time there was group work for this class, we had so many technological issues that we had to meet on campus anyway) and also schedule these things for that day? I am fully planning to ask about the cost of these resources, too. I thought these things were free for students but I am fully planning on double checking. I hope they're free for students. I am on my parents' health insurance, but I really don't want to wait another six months or have to argue with my mom that I do need this because i needed to ask her permission.

I've had counseling before at my college and my mom accepted it because i told her it was for school stuff, so maybe i could just say it's counseling and leave it at that? I don't know. I feel kind of all over the place right now and i don't know if i'm overreacting or overthinking. i feel kind of embarrassed to be posting this in case i realize later that i was overreacting, but i really don't know what to do. i really don't want to lie, but i think i need a reason to be on campus that they'll accept, otherwise i don't think they'll get me go to campus just because.

i just feel kind of lost and stuck, and i don't really know what to do or where to go.