Help…again
Hey….so I know I just posted a couple days ago but I have another problem.
So I’ve noticed this a while ago, and I don’t know why my mood does this. But everything one of my family members like aunts or other family come out to see my family and i I always get kinda sad and distant….why does that happen? I’m supposed to be happy when they come but it just makes me more sad. Maybe it’s because I wish that I could just go home with them and escape my real family? Idk.
My aunt—my favorite aunt came out to see us today by surprise. She asked my brothers and i if we wanted to go shopping and we said yes because we never shop our parents hate it and it’s kinda like a treat. But while my brothers got gifts I really started to feel shameful and guilty. And I just didn’t want my aunt to spend any money on me. So I just said that I didn’t want anything, but she made me look anyway and anything that i seemed to find interest in she put in the cart, even though I was saying that I didn’t want anything at all. But she bought it anyway. When we got home my dad started questioning me and blaming me for spending all my aunts money and that was EXACTLY what I was afraid of. I wish my aunt would have not bought anything for me. But it was nice that she thought of me.
Also when we were shopping my aunt kept rubbing my back and trying to talk to me, it was like she knew that something was wrong. It felt like all the energy had come out of me and I just wanted to cry. And later when we got home I started thinking of self harm again. I know this all sounds so dramatic and like nothing even that bad happened. But idk. Just please tell me why I feel so distant, tired, sad and weird when family members are here visiting.