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bellsbum19
826 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 58 Compassion hearts87 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes56 Current upvotes56 Age GroupTeen Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceDecember 6, 2023
Bio
hey! here’s a little bit about me! I am growing up in a toxic household. I was diagnosed when i was about 10 or 11 with high anxiety and depressive disorders, and ocd. ( i started self-harming around this age.)I am athletic and love sports, i have light brown hair and hazel eyes, and i live in minnesota. i guess i’m on 7 cups to finally try to get better. anyways!! here are some of my favorites: 
color: yellow
food: sambusa (it’s somali)
treat: anything gummy 
animal: dolphin or elephant 
sport: hockey 
place: the ocean
qoute: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take

Love y’all!! Hope you are doing okay!!



Recent forum posts
Help…again
General Support / by bellsbum19
Last post
 December 27th, 2023
...See more Hey….so I know I just posted a couple days ago but I have another problem.  So I’ve noticed this a while ago, and I don’t know why my mood does this. But everything one of my family members like aunts or other family come out to see my family and i I always get kinda sad and distant….why does that happen? I’m supposed to be happy when they come but it just makes me more sad. Maybe it’s because I wish that I could just go home with them and escape my real family? Idk.  My aunt—my favorite aunt came out to see us today by surprise. She asked my brothers and i if we wanted to go shopping and we said yes because we never shop our parents hate it and it’s kinda like a treat. But while my brothers got gifts I really started to feel shameful and guilty. And I just didn’t want my aunt to spend any money on me. So I just said that I didn’t want anything, but she made me look anyway and anything that i seemed to find interest in she put in the cart, even though I was saying that I didn’t want anything at all. But she bought it anyway. When we got home my dad started questioning me and blaming me for spending all my aunts money and that was EXACTLY what I was afraid of. I wish my aunt would have not bought anything for me. But it was nice that she thought of me.  Also when we were shopping my aunt kept rubbing my back and trying to talk to me, it was like she knew that something was wrong. It felt like all the energy had come out of me and I just wanted to cry. And later when we got home I started thinking of self harm again. I know this all sounds so dramatic and like nothing even that bad happened. But idk. Just please tell me why I feel so distant, tired, sad and weird when family members are here visiting. 
Little Help Please….
General Support / by bellsbum19
Last post
 December 21st, 2023
...See more Hey everyone…so this has been weighing on me for a while….and i dont really know how to put it into words but I’ll try my best. ❤️  so i used to play hockey and I’ve been playing since I was 5 years old and skating before i was even 3! My mom was a college hockey player and so was the whole side of her family. So naturally i learned to skate young and then started playing hockey. But this year my parents took me out of it. And i felt like something was ripping me apart—literally. Every time someone brings up anything that triggers the memory of hockey it feels like my chest is cracking. ( i understand that most of you probably wont care and your probably thinking that im being dramatic-its just a sport right?) well to me it wasn’t just a sport it was a way for me to get out of my home, every weekend i was gone for games, every day i had practice and I didn’t have to see my family. It was like heaven. I thought that I would play college hockey-just like my mom and everything in my life would be good. I would never have to come back to Minnesota. (This is no longer making sense….) but the moral of the story is that i used to feel small cracks in my chest every once in a while, but now that I don’t have hockey-and I can’t even skate, my chest feels like it is cracking….is that weird? Am i being dramatic? I’ve never felt cracks like this. They are so big and weigh me down and make me just want to cry. I feel so tired all the time now, sleep has never been so great, and it takes so much effort just to smile at someone now a days. This “cracking chest” sensation is making me feel sick. I need some help! What does this mean why are the cracking on my chest feeling so terrible now?  I get that I probably wrote gibberish and none of this makes sense but I just really needed to get this out, let me know if you need me to clarify anything. 
LOOK AT THIS!
General Support / by bellsbum19
Last post
 December 16th, 2023
...See more Hey everyone! I saw this on my Pinterest page and thought…that’s actually a good idea. So if you guys like it let’s all do it together! ❤️ keep rocking you got this!!!! Lots of love 💕 
My Story….
General Support / by bellsbum19
Last post
 December 15th, 2023
...See more Hey guys!! So my name is Belles….I’ll give you a bit of description about me: I’m athletic and love sports, and I have brown/chestnut hair and grey eyes. (Not super interesting) I live in a toxic household and was diagnosed with high anxiety and depressive disorders before I was even a teenager. (I self-harmed before I was a teen too.) My parents are both diagnosed with the same things as me, and my dad has PTSD. Most of our house stress comes from him, he is an alcoholic and smoker. He used to be a veteran and a cop before he resigned. I know that he has been through some unspeakable stuff, and that I should be patient—and try to help him, but sometimes its really hard, he is always angry and takes it out on us. He is gone sometimes from early morning to late at night, and there was a time that i had to call the cops because he and my mom got physical. I don’t know how to handle all this at once! I’m falling behind in school and I feel like I have no purpose. My friends are drifting farther away from me, and I feel like I’m the only one in the world that feels amid sees things like I do. I’m just so tired and scared and nervous and angry and sad but over everything I’m angry and sad—im tired of being walked on and im angry that I haven’t walked away (though it would be hard because im only 14.) i just need some assistance. I feel so mentally unstable. Some weeks—some days im okay and then im terrible and then all of a sudden things are just amazing and im hyper. What is going on with me? What is wrong with me? 
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