Has anyone else been told that they have never matured or really grew as a person, and if so, how do you deal with that?

@DitaBear nope I have no experience in being a true adult either. But hey! I'm my opinion the ones who have the most fun, who enjoy life the most are the ones who always stay young at heart. It must be hard to have your family tell you such things😥 but the world is not the same as when they grew up. So I say as long as your happy, then don't worry to much about it ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤

@Tinywhisper11 Thank you so much, your words are so encouraging!  I really appreciate the hug too!!!  *hugs back*

@DitaBear

Anyone who tells you this is comparing to what?   their view / their attitude / themselves? 

being an adult is not the same for all and if you ask 10 people they may give 10 different answers ..

@toughTiger6481 Thank you so much!!! I think this is a great point you made too, about what the standard of comparison is 😊

@DitaBear

sometimes our loved ones say things out of expectations. which I believe comes from an emotional state. As long as it has a caring context it can be considered constructive criticism in my opinion. I have been told similar things like that because I am the younger one in the family. I have made peace with the fact that we can not control how other people perceive us. we do have our own share of difficulties which is not known to others. If you are on the way to taking care of your finances and able to get awareness of your surroundings then I think you are doing adulting good. 

@sky2Ocean20 Thank you so much.  I do think it is from their own personal expectations, but a lot of the time I just don't know what exactly the expectations are.  It's gotten to the point where I am exhausted from trying to meet them or trying to prove my worth to the universe, and I'm trying to work on figuring out what I want to work on for myself only.

@DitaBear

yes, the expectations are endless and no matter what you do people will always have something to say. we can consider their opinion and still choose what our gut says. That's what I do too.. My actions are not to hurt anyone but I can not always predict the ways to make everyone happy. at last, people stick together for the bonding despite the differences and opinions and it can not be decided on expectation delivering performance. 

@DitaBear   hi there. I relate to this, for a lot of reasons. people all the time tell me how mature I am. I'm 17, and I get told all the time im an old soul and I'm "almost too mature" for my age. but at home my parents never let go about how immature I appear to be, and how, like you, they say I haven't developed as a person and all this hud that I really cant stand. most of the time I agree, that I am an old soul, but when I listen to my parents and think that I'm not mature enough and blah blah blah, I notice how much it tears me down. 

point of all that was, is sometimes you just have to let go of what people say. I of all people know how hard it is to let go of what family members say. my dad says a lot of awful things about me that usually aren't true, and I just have to let it go. 

keep in mind your family have been the ones to see you make your mistakes in life. that is why our family members views on us can sometimes be flawed. they see you at your most vulnerable and much of the time miss-understand us. this is why family members, who are mostly older than us, typically have a sort of distorted view on us. I recommend actually going to a friend or something and genuinely ask them how they think your maturity is. and if its bad? its just something to improve. I know that as human beings we all the time have lots of flaws that we hope to change and are working on changing. the pile sure is high. but I think one thing that you could change as well is not only your maturity if you are more on the immature side, but also work on letting go of the past, and letting go of hurtful words. 

don't beat yourself up just because you cant change overnight. your only human, so please please please remember this. above all else don't give in. exert some self discipline and just keep pushing yourself! its okay to fail. remember this too. failing 10,000 times is 10 x better than never trying at all. there is no better teacher than failure. failure is your friend. :) love yourself, and learn to let go of the hurtful things in your life. you've got this!

@EmmyMarie06 Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I'm glad someone else out there relates to this type of thing also.  Makes me feel less alone 😊

@DitaBear   of course! if you need anything I'm here!

I'd look at internal locus of evaluation by Carl Rogers

@PugNinja Thank you for the recommendation!

@DitaBear Every guy I've dated has told me the same thing, I used to get offended by it but now I think whatever, I'll work on the real issues that I've neglected for years BUT I'm not going to become a whole new person just because someone else thinks I'm not " mature enough". 

Let's be honest here who actually knows what being mature actually looks like? everyone struggles, makes mistakes, doesn't always have the right answer, doesn't always do everything correct. so in reality no one can really say they are more mature cause its human nature to fail in all categories of life

@amusingWest5360 Thank you so much.  That sounds like what I'm trying to do from now on as well: working on what I recognize are problems for myself but not going out of my way to change my whole identity.

I think you're right too.  No one really has the "right" answers.  It's like another reply said: you could ask 10 people about it and you'd get 10 different answers.

@DitaBear

Ooof this is my biggest fear. I think over the course of my life I struggled with being confident and really lived my life in fear and shame. I feel that I still live as that little girl and that she hasn't grown up. I'm 26 and I do think that I have grown and opened up to new experiences but the main frequency that I'm living through is fear. I still people please, lack boundaries, and go out of my way to make life easier for other people. Recently I've been able to reconnect with my friends from highschool and it's brought up this fear that everyone has grown up but I still act like a child. Of course I struggle with insecurity from time to time but everyone does at some point. I think it's important that I see my growth as my own and not compare myself to anyone else. I had a different starting line than other's and it's important that I acknowledge that. 

@Shyness98 I relate to this, especially the part where you said that everyone has a different starting line.  I can't help but fall into these traps of comparing myself to others, only to realize that other people didn't live my experiences.  It's good to see that other people feel the same way as I do.

What are some ways that help you deal with these feelings?

@DitaBear

I think it's just constantly reminding myself and being compassionate with myself. It's not easy but truly no one is going to get us like ourselves. It's okay to need a reminder. We gotta remember that we're doing the best we can with what we have. Awareness is the biggest step and then from there we can start making our changes, whether it's a big leap or baby steps. 

@Shyness98 Thank you so much!