Family stress
I am posting this here instead of talking to a listener in a one-on-one chat so that I can receive more support and I can say what I want in one go. I had a conflict with my parents a few days ago about my using this website or in general interacting with people online because it is not easy to be safe online. I understand their parental concern because of invasion of privacy, identity theft etc. However, I am an introvert and I do not socialise much. So it becomes difficult for me to socialise. It is also because my mother is overprotective and does not allow me to travel much. So I cannot join any clubs or communities (There is some hope for that because I will be moving to a different place for my higher studies). This place has helped me a lot with my loneliness. I have mixed feelings about this entire situation. On one hand, I am upset and angry with my parents for imposing such restrictions but on the other hand, I feel guilty for going against them and what they want. My father even cried the last time he got to know that I use this website because they have not caught me doing something behind their back for the first time. I really do not know what to feel and what not to feel. It sucks. It just sucks. And i honestly cannot wait to move to a different place because at this point, it has become suffocating (my parents' overprotectiveness). Some insights would be helpful. Thank you for the patience!
@Silverwillows8128 - You could tell your parents that
- no one here registers an account under their real name. No one that I've seen has done it, anyway.
- no personal data such as e-mail addresses, real full names, addresses, etc. are required to post in the forums or to use any of the chat rooms.
- anytime you contact a Listener, a safety warning immediately pops up. It cautions the user not to share personal data such as listed above with a Listener. Also note that no one here would do that in any case.
- If any member has problems with another member for any reason, (s)he can report the offending person to the moderators & top people who run 7Cups. They will take action including banning a member for flouting the rules here, if necessary.
I've been here about a year now; not once have I seen any member trying to extract personal data from anyone else or engaging in any shady or predatory behavior. The worst I've personally seen is occasional obnoxiousness in the forums, but the moderators jump on that pretty quickly. You could even show your parents this post, if you feel like they'll read it.
@slowdecline48
Thank you for your reply. I think I would agree with all the points except for the personal contact one. I have seen a few people extracting personal info from others and from me too. But thank you for your support <3
Really? That ain't kosher! I hope you reported at least one of them.
One thing to remember: you are not under any obligation to disclose personal info to anyone here. Or to any stranger online, for that matter. There is no obligation for you to say "my real name is So-&-So Jones". I have never given out my real name on 7Cups & have no plans to. If someone is trying to get your personal info, you should report him/her pronto. Someone like that should be warned at the very least, & kicked out if (s)he persists.
@Silverwillows8128 thanks for reaching! Forum posts are great ways to reach to a lot of people and I'm so glad to took this step 😊
In relation to your problem, there is no one correct way to ever deal with a circumstance. Sometimes one also finds that you can't take sides, sometimes problems have a middle path, and of course - sometimes they don't. With parents who are overly protective and restrictive, usually people adopt methods like lying and keeping things under wrap. From what you have said, I may have picked up that you have already tried that in the past, and probably still continue doing so. That's valid, considering your circumstances. However, when parents are being protective, we can also consider that they may, just for instance have a logic behind why they said so.
Your freedom in this situation is undeniable, I would fight for my freedom undoubtedly. The fact that a situation as such has arisen can feel very pressuring and confusing - that's normal! I would do what my logic tells me whilst giving a thought to the reasons (not the actions) why my parents are acting like that.
I been through some scams and I been taken advantage of online! I'm no exception to the problems one faces on the internet in general. I wish for you that you can keep safe, cautious, and at the same time, make decisions for yourself and feel free in doing so. Good luck ❤️
@Star001
Thank you star for your reply. I understand that my parents have good intentions in regard to me and my safety, and maybe their reason to get upset is valid but as long as I take concsiously stay safe online, the rest should be fine. My parents have the tendency to overreact and nothing can justify that. I just cannot wait to go to the new place, I swear.
@Silverwillows8128 I'm sorry that this situation is causing you stress. I can understand their concerns but also understand yours and your right to have a social platform where you feel comfortable. This site is definitely safer than most, in my opinion, because of all of the precautions taken and the way admins and mods run things.
My parents were also extremely overprotective, and they didn't really want to listen much at first. They just expected me to do whatever they said. While I usually did, if something was really important to me, I expressed to them how and why it was important and requested that we block out some time for discussion. I admit that most times, their rules still won, but there were times when my clearheaded and logical arguments for something were well received and they adjusted a bit to incorporate my concerns.
I really hope you are able to come to some sort of agreement or understanding about this.
@Helper127 Thank you for sharing a similar experience. They will not necessarily understand or be willing to understand why I want to interact with people here but I guess the only way to deal with this situation is to try to gain their trust in small steps, which will make them less anxious about my safety in general, they will become more trusting and I will be on my way to becoming more independent in the way I live my life.
🎆@Silverwillows8128 It's understandable that you are feeling conflicted about the situation with your parents. On one hand, you value the support and community you have found online, which has helped you deal with feelings of loneliness and isolation. On the other hand, you feel guilty for going against your parents' wishes, and are struggling with their overprotectiveness.
It's important to recognize that your parents' concerns about your safety and privacy are valid, but it's also important for them to trust you to make responsible decisions about your online interactions. You might try having a conversation with them to explain how this online community has helped you and how you plan to stay safe while using it. Perhaps you can set some guidelines and boundaries for your online interactions, such as sharing information only with trusted individuals, and avoiding revealing personal information.
It's also important to take care of your own mental health and wellbeing. If you are feeling suffocated by your parents' overprotectiveness, it might be helpful to find other ways to cope, such as engaging in hobbies or interests that you enjoy. And remember that you will soon be moving to a different place for your higher studies, which will give you more independence and the opportunity to explore new experiences and communities.
It's natural to feel conflicted and uncertain in situations like these, but remember that you are not alone. It might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor about your feelings and concerns. And always prioritize your safety and wellbeing, both online and offline. we all are here for you Honey🎇
@Silverwillows8128
I'm so sorry that you're going through what you're going through. It gets easier as time goes by to, how shall I put it, rebel against your parents and society to fight for your happiness. Unfortunately (and fortunately) that pain that you currently feel is a vital part of growing up. That's why it's called growing pains and IT TOTALLY SUCKS. "Sucks" is an understatement. You love them and you would never want to cause them undue stress or pain but on the other other hand you MUST take care of self. After all, isn't your happiness supposed to be more important than your parents'? I like the line from 'The Fabelmans' when the mother says to the young Steven Spielberg "You don't owe anyone your life." His father didn't approve of him making movies and he was torn. That line means so much because it's true. Make sure YOU are happy. You can't take care of anybody else if you don't take care of yourself.
@Silverwillows8128
Hey, I think you are parents concern about u is absolutely right about privacy issues and online safety. I have been suffering from this a lot of time but now a lot has changed.
I think the best way to communicate would be via Emails and that ways it stays more formal and privacy is ensured. So if u feel comfortable, then u can give your mail address here.