Does crying need justification? Venting about last night and my mother...
Last night, i was crying a lot and my mother was so angry with me about it and she was quite literally scolding me for crying. i mean i share a room with her, and i was crying in bed and our beds are stuck to each other, so she could obviously hear me crying.
I know that it's not always fun to have to hear someone cry when you yourself are sick and want some peace and quiet. i understand that my mother is sick and in pain and she didn't want to hear me crying in that time and my crying supposedly disturbed her sleep. but she only kept doing things to make me cry even more.
She continuously kept asking why i was crying and of course, i would never tell her that. but since i didn't tell her, she made some assumptions and started scolding me saying "you will do wrong towards me, you will express anger towards me, and you will cry" and a lot of other kinds of scoldings based on her assumption. her assumption was surely wrong and knowing about her assumptions just made me cry even more to be honest.
She was even rubbing her hands on my back maybe because she thought that would comfort or silence me but it only made the crying worse because i hate my mother and don't like her touching me. so i was moving to the edge of the bed to possibly escape her reach, and she got annoyed by that and said another bunch of hurtful things that made me start crying loudly, when i was previously crying fairly silently.
Okay, i get that she didn't like me crying when she's in pain too and want to sleep but can't. but why does she have to make such a fuss about my crying, i dont understand. like stereotypically, boys aren't allowed to cry (which makes no sense to me, because they can feel bad and want to cry too). but what problem does she have with me crying, I'm not even a boy. (also, she was the one who started crying first, and when i see someone crying, most of the time, i automaticly start crying as well. but she didnt cry for nearly as long as i did.)
I don't remember how i stopped crying or if i even stopped crying or just fell asleep while crying. whatever it was, in the morning when i woke up, my mother told me "you don't have to tell me why you were crying, but just think about it. whatever the reason is, is it justified?" in her opinion, her crying is justified because i caused her pain.
This brings me to the question, does crying need justification? if yes, what are some legitimate reasons to cry and what happens if i cry over a non-legitimate reason or cry without a reason (that does happen sometimes, or does it just happen to me)?
Today i was again crying in while showering and i dont understand how, but my mother still hear me crying even with the tap running. i thought i had learnt how to cry silently, but i just got proven wrong. my mother takes my crying as me not caring about her because she has assumed that i am crying because she is sick. (that's not what i cried about, and dunno how crying about that would mean i don't care about her, but let it be.) she later told me that i just cry without a reason. i said that i don't cry without a reason. and then she's like "then tell me the reason". i refused to tell her and then she told me "what is this reason that you can't tell your own mother about? i don't understand you, is it?"
I just replied "oh you do understand, is it?" and left it there. honestly, i have to say, she does NOT understand. if she did, she wouldn't scold me for crying, she wouldn't yell at me, she wouldn't call me names, she would talk to me lovingly, she would take me seriously when i tell her that that i want to sleep and not wake up, she would understand that there's something dewper behind my slow eating, she wouldn't say that i just complain all the time, she wouldn't tell me that i deserve pain and suffering in my life, she wouldn't tell me that i won't learn a lesson until she dies.
Sorry about the angry rant there. thank you for reading this long post. 💙
tagging vase buddy @bestVase7265, i hope you don't mind, feel free to ignore the tag if I'm bothering you.
