A waste of time 😀

Life's been really weird lately I've been going around telling everyone how OKAY I am but the truth is I'm not, *** everything I'm not okay... There's this voice developing in my head that constantly tells me how unworthy I am of love, happiness or peace... I just feel like there's nothing that can really fix me I'm messed up and I'm just broken i guess. I've been dealing with a lot lately and I'm not even sure how do I keep count of *** that's going on with me. Eating food is getting worse with every passing day, I've been hurting myself at a whole different level even after making a good amt of progress, I've been pushing everyone away coz somewhere I know they're better off without me istg they are. My life's this whole kinda mess that I don't think I can clean up anymore. I feel like just giving up but idk as soon as I try the voice gets different like it wants me to suffer more and more as much as I can and that just makes everything worse and what do I do about all of this? Nothing at all

At the end I'm okayyyyy!!!!!! I'm sooo okayyy

I met my brother today after like an year or smth ngl I was *** scared, he's not the kind of person you'd like to be around but today I saw someone better someone who WANTS to be better and that's something I don't get to see everyday. Earlier he was someone who used to beat the *** outta me just like mom or dad do but today for the first time he asked me how I was doing like genuinely. Doesn't mean I don't hate him I still *** do and I'll never forgive him for anything he did but it made me feel kinda nice that there's hope he'll get better and would stop the abusive cycle in the future. I wish dad was sent to rehab too and he could change by chance but I don't think he ever will some people are just meant to be....evil and mom oof that witch ain't getting out of her strawberry world like ever. A person said to me that they want to talk to someone but that person is dead and ugh that hit....hard. I would love to talk to someone but yeah they're dead. I just want my dad to be de@d my mom to just disappear and I just want to live with myself and only myself. I *** hate myself but still I'm better than these MFs...I really am. So yaa today was exhausting idk why but yeah I'm glad dad won't get to drink today coz aunt to the rescue but yeah everything's gonna be the same in a day.

But whatever, I'm okayyyyy, soooo okayyy

Is life worth anything good? Is it ever gonna be better? Will I ever get to be happy? Idk I don't really think I'll ever even get to be BETTER coz nobody will ever let me. Everytime I try to be someone good, someone helpful, someone social I end up isolating myself again or pushing everyone away like why? Idk I guess that's how I've been *** raised

I honestly feel like my life is better coz the 5 yr old me had some worse *** going on..I was sold to some MFs who just wanted a puppet on whom they could let out their anger on like......wow isn't that so *** amazing? My life is soooo freaking awesome. Honestly in all my vents you'll find me saying nothing but shiii about my so called *family* ofc my family this word freaks me out coz every sort of family I've ever had was just busy making me feel like the worst human to ever exist so yaa all I'll ever say is how my greatttttt family makes my life, me and everything else miserable!!!!! I've had 2 dads and 2 moms and all of em are so messed up like wtf...old ones made me a slave and the new ones want to do nothing but just keep me alive so that they can beat me to let out that *** up anger....isn't that so *** great? Ik it is..

But at the end I'm okayyyyy, soooo okayyy

Happy MFing birthday to me!! Woo sooo happpyyy🥁🥁

The day of mourning not only by me but everyone that I know and who know that today was the day I, the most messed up, unlucky and unworthy girl was born yayy a great day indeed

Turning 17 is scary but I'm kinda happy I'm closer to finally being an adult and just running away from this mess and getting to be better without anyone holding me back

10 yr old me wouldn't believe we made it to 17 coz how could she? She was just a small girl who was being sold to a pair of creeps by a pair of similar creeps. It's not just me turning 17 but it's been exact seven years since my reallllyyy loving parents decided that they didn't need me anymore and just sold me to the highest bidder isn't that so *** great? I know it is.. 7 years ah! Feel kinda proud I got through 7 *** years in this *** place and 17 *** years in this *** place like damnn biish you made it!!! Yeah I did ofc 😀

Today's gonna be a great great day yk (:

Dad's gonna drink double coz why not? They paid for such a useless piece of *** and my mom? She's already started the grand *** celebrations mhmhmh today's gonna get even more better ik mhmhmhmhmhm

After everything I'm okayyyyy soooo okayyyyyyy happpyyy birthdayyy gurlll lesssss goooo 🥁🎶

I wish you were here suhani I really do, I miss you....