Afraid to show the real me
Hello everyone. I felt the need to write this. I feel like two versions of me exist on the inside. One is joyful, confident, strong, while the other is hurt, afraid, fragile. But I don't really show neither to the world.
When I'm feeling good about myself or my life, the negative side of me holds me back so I don't appear too happy or excited which might upset other people, for whatever reason. That way they won't feel the need to somehow ruin my happiness or I won't feel bad for doing better than them.
And when I feel like my world is falling apart, I don't show the sadness, I keep it inside because, in my experience, people don't really know how to help or react or feel comfortable talking openly about the issues which I'm sure we all face in life. So I tell people I'm okay whether they realise something is wrong or not. In reality, I'm often far from okay, but the positive side of me is keeping me from being honest about my feelings so I don't scare people away and so I don't make others feel bad as well.
But since I'm never expressing myself openly and honestly, no one can see the real me, they just see a toned down, bland mix of my two sides. And I don't really know how to show the vibrant and emotional parts of my soul to someone who might be interested. Or how to stop caring what others might think and not feel the need to hide my feelings but instead embrace them and let them emerge, whether they're positive or negative.
@ASkylar
Thank you for writing this as i am sure many of us feel like this ...... I know i do
I feel you… I think many of us here can relate to that for sure. Just remember you can yourself around us, this is a safe place ❤️
@ASkylar I agree that. It is not easy. Maybe try to follow yourself, distract yourself when you are sad. Improving the current situation has to take its time. Hope you will be better.
I feel the similar way, it’s like I’m trying to be positive so ppl don’t reject me but taking away the authenticity of showing who I rlly am.
sounds like ur putting a lot of effort into reflecting abt yourself! That’s a big step and I see it as a win
thanks for sharing and opening up! I hope that writing this helped u and hope that if it does, u would continue writing
It is okay to just unconditionally accept yourself in these situations. You seem empathetic to the reality that others probably feel the same way. It is most likely not that other people are not interested in your feelings, but that they too are struggling to just hang on and get by. Just accept yourself as this person you are, the best way you can. I know, easier said than done. One option is to try and be a person who listens and supports others.
I feel the same way. I feel trapped and sometimes feels like so lagged behind my peers.
There's hardly anyone whom I can discuss these things with. Instead of escaping the trap I think I have developed a way of not feeling bad about it, mostly.
Really interesting topic, which I'm sure many can relate to, at least I do! thanks for sharing @ASkylar!!
I can't stop thinking that this is the most efficient behaviour for most social situations in life but it's important we have a safe space (good friend(s) or partner, writting, therapist... 7 cups!) were these true parts of oneself can be expressed... Negative and positive!!
At least, I know that it's really important for my wellbeing that I have a channel to express them.
Big hughs everyone!
I honestly can not give advice because I'm not a professional however I do want to tell you that you truly are not alone.
I completely understand what you're feeling because I too have this feeling of being 2 different people and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm literally going crazy and there are times where I feel I'm such a fake person because I can never just be one person I always have 2 versions of me. As well as this deep fear that if I do show my true side the side I hide from the world that I would receive so much judgement and rejection.
All in all I just wanted to say, you are not alone at all and I am sending you virtual unicorn magical hugs. And I hope with all my heart and soul that you will overcome this and grow even stronger.
Blessed be
I want to thank everyone for saying I'm not alone in this feeling. However it's hard not to feel lonely when, apart from the virtual world, I have no one to share my thoughts and feelings with...
I try to focus on getting where I want to be in life but I'm constantly scared I'll never get there and will never be happy or at least content with myself and my life.
But that's a bit of a different topic.. anyway, thank you all for the kind words
@ASkylar Don't worry, I feel in the same way. We are here to lisent you so don't be afraid to share things here. ❤️