Hey
@Macylou82 im sorry, i had to desapear from our last conversation, we were talking about felling sad seeing other ppl happy (my mom didn’t wanted me in the phone wile i was eating). Well, that feelings are normal and you are not alone, I know that sucks seeing someone being so happy wile you feel like trash, sometimes i feel like this. But also, sometimes is good, knowing one day, you will be (hopefully) one of those happy people who have a great life, I choose to think like that when I start to feel bad about it, even tho sometimes is not fair. I choose to cheer and be happy for them.
I hope that you’ll be one of those happy ppl someday, and I’ll be right there cheering for you, and being happy seeing you happy, cause I know you deserve that.
lots of hugs 🫂
-Amy
@Amymimy2711 Tysm lots of hugs fr.
@Macylou82 ykw that was a really *** response that i typed so ima try again even tho this one will prob suck too lol.
Tysm for taking the time to type these kind words, i hope one day we can both be super happy but for now we can feel like this sometimes together. Lots of hugs fr.
It’s fine. I’m sorry for my little outbreak the other day, I was really struggling and these last days were a total blurry for me, I wrote some letters (goodbye ones) and I thought it was the best for me at the moment. I didn’t had the courage to … and I decided that I maybe it’s not the right time, so i guess I’m gonna be your problem for some more time lol. I’m really sorry, but I’m grateful to have a friend like you Macy, and thanks for that. We will get better together, I hope so, and I also hope you’re feeling better, and we can talk soon.
Lots of hugs
-Amy
@Amymimy2711 Omg your alive. I have been so worried tysm for not having the courage. I get it tho fr I have those lil outbreaks every day but I never have the courage either tho. I'm so grateful to be your friend too, and I really do hope we can get better together fr. rn tho I can't really be on , but hopefully soon I will be back and we can talk like we used to. I miss you, hugs (if you want). Ily and you are amazing and strong remember that when your feeling down.
💕 I’m not on so much now too, school started yesterday and I’m busy as f, but I’m sure we will can talk better soon, I’ll remember that Macy, I’m gonna remember that and please, remember that I’m here for you too always ok? Ily <3, and when you need to vent please tell me.
-lots of hugs
Your friend, Amy (I love finishing this messages like letters btw, sorry lol)
@Amymimy2711 I hope school is going well fr, an I'll remember that your there for me if u remember im here for you. Ilysm too. Lots of hugs fr
Hey Macy. I’m sorry for today, I try to be supportive and help you, and I missed you a lot but I know I was acting weird, it’s been a tough week. Sorry, im sorry, i really want to help u and be here for you, as I said I’m always here for you, even tho some days I’m weird like this. Sorry if I was rude or anything like this, I tend to do those things, sorry.
-Amy
@Amymimy2711 Don't be sorry you weren't acting weird, I was. So I'm sorry for abruptly leaving and acting weird and not being sober for u. I hope we see each other soon again.
Macy are you alive? It’s been a while, what’s up with you? I’ve been busy, sorry :( I miss you
-Hugs Amy
@Amymimy2711 I'm still sadly alive and very much desiring to leave everyday lol. I miss u too, hope we see each other soon.
@Amymimy2711 how has school been though? Is it nicer being away from your mom or closer?
It is nice. I mean, I don’t talk to her much, and even though I feel guilty about it, is really cool to not have someone yelling at me all the time. School is stressful, but you know things are really getting better, I hope I don’t freak out again, but I can’t promise that cause I’ll be in my hometown again for some holidays soon, and my mom put me in some church camp or whatever. How are you? How are things going with your parents? Did you got your computer back?
@Amymimy2711 Yea I bet that's nice to not have to listen to all that yelling all the time. I hope things go well with your mom when you go home for holidays. How have I been?tbh really bad lemme see what's happened since we last talked... TW,,,,,,,,, alr so my parents already wanted me to see a counselor but then they found I sh and Want me to see a phycologist too and also are talking about enrolling me into this school that our church does next year and talking about getting me a tutor for math this year bc my grades are really low lately cause tbh I don't care about school I'm prepared to be gone by 18 anyway and things with me getting my computer back aren't looking good bc they went through everything on my phone. They found out the books I read aren't good books (in their standards) and that I look at depressing quotes online too so I wouldn't be surprised if they smashed my computer and threw it away but I am working hard to get my phone back and tbh I'm kinda close but idk when that will be. So yeah basically to sum it up life really sucks and continues to get worse.
Macy I’m so sorry! But honestly you don’t think that life could be less stressful if you’re going to see a therapist? They can really help you. And I really worry about you being alone all the time, not seeing ppl your age and that stuff, so yeah school is really terrible but…I want you to make friends, I don’t think that is a bad idea. I’m sorry for the phone situation and the books, I can relate, my mom hates when I read everything that is not the Bible, I know life sucks right now, but I hope that it doesn’t gets worse. How are you? I didn’t had much time to talk this days, but things are not bad. I mean, the teachers are not so much bad this year and things in my house are not so bad like last year, but my mom still stresses me a lot, she hates when I don’t answer her calls even that she knows I spend all day in school most of the week. And now my mental health, I don’t know how to explain, but everything feels gray. Everything (most of things) is okay but I can’t stop feeling this horrible feeling that something bad will happen. Also, my TW/////////eating disorders and and sh are “back” again and Iately my family and friends are talking a lot about the lgbt topic, they don’t know nothing about me but I feel they’re starting to notice because some boy at church was into me and I hated this situation so I was super rude or something like this, and i made the insane decision to bring my diary to the school (it wasn’t on purpose, I just wrote something important for the class and I was lazy to write again) and they annoyed me so much because they wanted to read it and I was so scared that I almost freaked out, idk, I just can’t keep doing all of this.
that is like a bit of what happened to me in those few days ago, but tell me how are you now? And youre going to school? Or The therapist?
- Hugs, Amy
(I miss you)
@Amymimy2711 ik it's not like I haven't been in therapy before either, cause I was put into therapy for a year when I was 6 for another mental disorder I have (I'm such a broken mess lol). Im mostly scared about the therapist telling my parents everything I say cause I don't want them to know everything, yk?
I'm glad school and home are a Lil better this year but I'm sorry your mom stresses you out still, I hope she'll chill out someday fr. And maybe that feeling of dread is just a feeling? I hope it is at least. TW,,,,,,,,,,,,, I'm so sorry your Ed and sh are back tho, pls eat and ss and yk I'm always here if you want to vent. And I'm sorry I can see why you would hate that situation and I can get that ppl don't know nothing about you it fr sucks. And why do ppl feel the need to be so nosy and annoying? That's obnoxious I'm so sorry. I think the tutor therapist etc were mostly threats so I'm trying to prove that I'm ok but it's really draining tbh
I miss u sm, stay strong and im always here for you. Hope we see each other soon hugs fr
Yeah i know you’re afraid of open up with someone that could tell your parents something, but idk, just think about it. Anyways, you said your parents wanted you to go to a school, you’re going? How things have been going for you? I’m sorry I’m not so on this days.
@Amymimy2711 yea ik but tbh I think it was mostly talk anyway, and the school was a threat for next year so I'm trying to do better in school and pretend I care even tho I could acc care less. Tbh I think I'm getting worse it's like I'm drained of life yk? How have you been tho? U been eating? School been ok? And dw I'm rarely on nowadays too.
Worse like how? Yeah I get that feeling of being drained of life, is really hard to stay alive feeling like ***, i really hope you can get better Macy. Im trying to be fine, but is just really hard, idk. I always feel like everyone is just pretending with me, pretending they don’t hate me, and idk I always had this feeling but this last days I had anxiety attacks because of it, and some other stuff. Yes im eating, thanks for asking (are you eating well too????) im doing just to not be a burden to other people in my life, yk? But I’m not sure of what I’m supposed to do, cause my mom says I’m really getting fat and I should stop eating, even though I’m with a normal weight, and im trying to get better but for some reason this problem always come back in the worst times…school is ok, I’m working hard to get good grades and even my relationship with my friends is more real and less fake, is like we’re not so distant anymore somehow. I still feel left out but I don’t plan to be here so much time to need them. Next Saturday I have more exams and then it will finally be Carnaval and we will get a break from school. I’m going to a Church camp or something (idk if I told you yet) but i guess is better then be alone at home with my mom.
Honestly is a lot of things happening in my life rn, some good, some bad, but i finally feel…more free i guess? Im really working on getting better, feel more comfortable with my body and sexuality…that kind of stuff. Im trying to figure out what im gonna do with my life if i dont die before high school end lmao.
What’s up with you? How is your relationship with your parents? Is everything okay (or not so bad)? What have you been doing? Is there something you want to tell me?
-A lot of hugs 💕
Amy
@Amymimy2711 hey so idk if I'll be able to catch you later so ima say this in case I don't catch you. It was amazing to see you today, even tho it was only for a few minutes. I miss you sm and ik we are both going through a tough time rn but im so proud of you for holding on. You are so strong ily so so so much tysm for being an amazing friend and always being there for me.
Lots of hugs fr -Macy
That’s so cute Macy💕 I’m really sorry cause I couldn’t stay much, it was really amazing to see you again! I’m honestly glad that you’re still alive and we could chat a bit. I’m really really proud of you too, fr, you’re stronger than you think, and a amazing friend too.
ily so much❤️ I hope we can see each others again soon (stay alive ok?)
-A lot of hugs
Amy
