Struggling as a caregiver for my nieces

So my sister and her babies have lived with my parents and I for the past couple years. Because of this, and the lack of help from their father, I’ve had to help care for my nieces while taking online college classes. For the most part, I’ve been able to deal with the burnout and frustration. But back in October last year, my sister started working, which means I’ve been having to raise them by myself during the day and also getting my college assignments done on time. I barely managed to get all my work done this past semester because I couldn’t manage to work on anything while watching them. I had to wait until my sister or parents came back from work to help. Now that the semester is finished, I thought it’d be easier, but I’ve been feeling more aggravated and depressed than usual. I guess because nothing has really changed. I still have to watch them constantly, the only time I have alone being a few hours over the weekend when my sister takes them to the park or to see their father.

But more than anything, I just need support. Every time I try to open up with someone about how much I’m struggling, they say something like ‘Oh, you’ll miss them when you don’t have to take care of them anymore. Just enjoy it.’ As if I’m not already trying my best and enjoying the little things with them when I can. I love them. Of course I’ll miss being around them as much when my sister eventually moves out and tries to get them in daycare, but that doesn’t make it any easier to take care of them now. The fact is, I never wanted this. I’ve never wanted to raise kids and be a parent, but I basically am, at least more than their own father is. While he drives hours away to go see his girlfriend throughout the week, I’m here raising his kids everyday, literally 24/7. And while my sister is definitely more present than him, even she has the opportunity to be away from them for a while by going to work. I never have my own space. I never get to relax. I’m taking care of them all the time and I wish I didn’t have to at all.

Anyway, I just needed somewhere to talk about this. Thanks for listening.