Struggling as a caregiver for my nieces
So my sister and her babies have lived with my parents and I for the past couple years. Because of this, and the lack of help from their father, I’ve had to help care for my nieces while taking online college classes. For the most part, I’ve been able to deal with the burnout and frustration. But back in October last year, my sister started working, which means I’ve been having to raise them by myself during the day and also getting my college assignments done on time. I barely managed to get all my work done this past semester because I couldn’t manage to work on anything while watching them. I had to wait until my sister or parents came back from work to help. Now that the semester is finished, I thought it’d be easier, but I’ve been feeling more aggravated and depressed than usual. I guess because nothing has really changed. I still have to watch them constantly, the only time I have alone being a few hours over the weekend when my sister takes them to the park or to see their father.
But more than anything, I just need support. Every time I try to open up with someone about how much I’m struggling, they say something like ‘Oh, you’ll miss them when you don’t have to take care of them anymore. Just enjoy it.’ As if I’m not already trying my best and enjoying the little things with them when I can. I love them. Of course I’ll miss being around them as much when my sister eventually moves out and tries to get them in daycare, but that doesn’t make it any easier to take care of them now. The fact is, I never wanted this. I’ve never wanted to raise kids and be a parent, but I basically am, at least more than their own father is. While he drives hours away to go see his girlfriend throughout the week, I’m here raising his kids everyday, literally 24/7. And while my sister is definitely more present than him, even she has the opportunity to be away from them for a while by going to work. I never have my own space. I never get to relax. I’m taking care of them all the time and I wish I didn’t have to at all.
Anyway, I just needed somewhere to talk about this. Thanks for listening.
@persistentBeach9141 Hello. It sounds like you're overworked and under appreciated, and that you feel burdened by having to care for children not your own out of a sense of family duty, and disappointed by the lack of support from your nieces' father. You seem to be frustrated by having your concerns dismissed rather than acknowledged and listened to. This resource might be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/ I hope you find the balance between caring for others and caring for yourself. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.
@wonderfulSoul4237 Hey! Thank you for reaching out to me. Things have been getting better over the past month. My sister was approved for an apartment and is in the process of moving. I'll still need to watch the kids for a while after she moves in, but she intends on getting a care assistant so I don't have to watch them as much. Their father has also been taking them for a day or two the past couple weeks, though my sister talked him into it. Still, I'll check out the link you shared. I want to get better at setting boundaries and hopefully can have a conversation with my family about it, especially my sister. And thanks, I'll send you a message if I need someone to talk to!