Yeah, I started recognizing this stuff when I was younger. My mom tries to tell me now at 27 that it’s normal and I never seemed to care when they were arguing cus I would play like a normal kid and blah blah blah. T
No matter how much I try to explain to any of my siblings or even parents, I always get the same crap. Its in your head.. (duh, its called mental illness for a reason) just try to find a hobby, religion, keep yourself busy. Finally, the blank stare of confusion/discomfort. Its funny, You can literally see them trying to make sense of it while also refusing to see their own mistakes or how others hurt them. Its this weird victim blaming mentality, where they refuse to be the victim. Therefor they cant feel compassion for anyone, even themselves.
Thing is, mental health, human behavior, philosophy, psychology etc. is a huge hobby and what I happen to busy myself with,
Its too much to explain and this is long enough but our families seem to have created a reality for themselves where all this is normal, and stepping out of that reality would mean having to face, not only how people have hurt them but how their actions have affected others.
You cant change what doesn’t want to be changed but, I highly recommend some kind of counseling to learn to manage your anger problems. The sooner you do the easier it is to manage later in life. Good luck, keep your head up and remind yourself who you are everyday cus the gaslighting and manipulation will get to you every now and then. Just a small tip from experience.