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MoonlitSunflower
988 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 68 Compassion hearts69 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 16, 2021
Bio

Im not sure, how this works. But I’m never sure of a lot of things. I was diagnosed BPD September 2019 after years of many different treatments, mental hospitals & even rehab in Mexico, which is a very god fearing & abusive based program. Its been a journey.

Recent forum posts
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Whats your experience
7 Cups Online Therapy / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 August 15th, 2021
...See more I have a therapist but I kind of want to see what therapy would be like n 7 cups. I see the texts option, Ive texted before therapist before mid-crisis & never heard back. Waited till our next session to address it. How fast do they reply? How long are the sessions? Whats your experience?
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Sooo What Now
Personality Disorders Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 July 17th, 2021
...See more Im kind of in this like crossroads where, I’m doing better but I cant seem to find work cus I need a car. And I cant seem to get a car cus I’m afraid of driving.. idk maybe I’m making excuses. But im anxious, I know what I need to do but I keep finding ways around it for whatever reason. I wont be seeing my therapist this week, personal reasons. Its like Im waiting for life to just hand me the tools to move forward but I know thats not how it works… lord. Im so alone in this. I gave up on this place cus like.. it helped as much as it could and idk this place wont get me a decent job or get me where I want to be. ItS a place I come to complain about things I know are in my control. It doesn’t make me feel better tbh it just kind of gets the thought out on a differ platform.. bruh. Is there a way to turn off the simulation. Aliens hurry up and end the planet. Cus life seems pointless and Ive learned enough, why do I have to continue to buy a home and pay bills.. what good does the do for anyone after we die. Seems redundant.. and now I’m blabbing cus Im trying not feel bad about my lack of interest in financial success.. jesus lplus America sucks
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Moving on faster
Personality Disorders Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 May 29th, 2021
...See more ... so I kind of started meeting people again after like a year of doing a lot of self discovery and inner healing. I started talking to this guy then decided to meet him a week or so later. Its been 3 days since that meeting and I had a bit of an outburst. I started feeling like he was acting differently towards me and it triggered me. So, now Ive scared him away even tho to be honest, I saw a side of him I didn’t like myself.. It was frankly quite a turn off and glad I saw it or maybe I’m just telling myself. Im unsure.. maybe I’m not ready for something serious.. maybe I still need more work. Ugh im exhausted... idk how ill ever be in a relationship. Its gonna take someone with lots of patience and understanding or im gonna have to be totally healed which doesn’t happen
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TW (TRIGGER WARNING: general abuse) Given up on men
Trauma Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 May 23rd, 2021
...See more Sometimes, i find myself wanting a companion. Someone I can love and be all corny with.. then I remember everything Ive been through and how the worst part of my life have only been with the male gender. How Ive been used to make my first “boyfriend’s” ex jealous, how cold he was about it. How the next guy violated me and told everyone I screwed him and left. When the truth was I wanted to go home and shower how obsessive I became with cleanliness, how nothing ever felt clean enough... How the next emotionally manipulated me into staying with him out of guilt & pitty. How he stalked me to the point of having to move over 80 miles away from him to make it stop. How I had to change my number... how I was so used to terrible men that when I had a good one I became the abusive one, how I pushed him away, how I hurt him..... and will forever live to regret it but also why I sought out to get help... Forcing me to return to the very first man who really broke me.. my father. Who chose a hooker from TJ ove his family, how he beat my mother cus he was allowed to do whatever he wanted but god forbid she tried to be happy. How we lost everything cus he couldn’t afford his double life anymore. How he played the victim cus my mom was sick of his shit and wanted a divorce and all the horrible things he tried to put her through as if she was the ne who put us into debt, lost our home and made HIS business go under. How he manipulated me and my want for my dads love and acceptance to his own advantage. How he allowed my brother to hit me choke me till I turned blue cus he was busy with his whores. How he had the audacity to take me to the house that he and his slut shared for a therapy session in TIjuana Mexico THERAPY SESSION! (Im near the border) I want to believe in love. The little girl in me wants her knight in shinning armor but One I highly doubt he exist Two, If he does, Id scare him away anyways Three Im too scared of men to even let them get near me... im so tired....
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Going on Nine months
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 May 23rd, 2021
...See more Ive been battling alcoholism for 7 years now. I cant say why I stopped but Im glad I did. Eight months sober going on nine & today I folded my basket full of laundry instead of leaving it wherever it landed to dig through the next day for something to wear. It seems like such a small feat but one I hadn’t done for myself in years. Its been such a slow recovery but Im doing it without AA cus its religion based & religion upsets me, I guess it would be a trigger for me cus I grew up religious &almost joined a cult. I also cant afford therapy right now so instead I read about physiological therapy, buddhism, even some of Sigmund Freud’s journals translated by someone I can’t remember right now. Anyways, Im just in disbelief cus a day like today is something I used to only dream of. Where a small chore like folding clothes felt like every shirt weighed 100+ lbs, where even the thought was exhausting & I just drank to not think about it . But now, it just felt like I was going with the flow. Ugh I prayed, begged & bargained for a day where things like this didnt feel like a drag & with a lot of hard work its finally coming to fruition. I am & will forever be grateful to the universe for all its lessons. I will never take the small thing like folding a shirt for granted ever again! I just wanted to share this joyous moment with the people who can understand & know where Im coming from. Where I hope each and every one of us struggling will be at one day. Dont stop, dont give up on your recovery, each day it gets better. Im honestly in shock that Ive made it this far at all, but I am........ its so surreal......🌻
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BPD Awareness Month
Personality Disorders Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 May 3rd, 2021
...See more Hey everyone, I just wanted to let yall know that this our month. Lets try to be a little more informative about what borderline is. Take away the stigma, make it less “taboo.” I like to think of my borderline as a super power. Once we learn how to maintain & keep it under control, it can be used for so much good. We are a narcissist worst nightmare, cus we’ve seen the bad, didnt like it & are continuously work within ourselves to be good. Its a very brutal process but we fight for good nonetheless. Keep your head up guys! We’ve got this! May, is our month, lets use it!!!
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Angry, sad, hurt, & afraid
Trauma Support / by MoonlitSunflower
Last post
 April 29th, 2021
...See more I feel like I wasnt given a chance at even a little bit of normalcy and the fact that my parents survived worse & immigrated to the U.s to give me a better life is why I wasn’t allowed to process anything. The amount of control manipulation, invalidation to this day really makes me so angry. Everyone could rely on me to keep there secrets, cry on my shoulder, bring them whatever they wanted and even physically abuse me, I was the youngest of four sometimes my mom defended me sometimes she used them against me. And now, I don’t want anyone in my life. Now that I see why I fell so deep while they all just kind of watched and said horrible things about me as I slowly killed myself and my sorrows with alcohol and drugs. But now, I just don’t want anyone in my life, but I know I need someone or Im going to go crazy.. and I had someone, but I just didn’t know how to treat him right. I would often dissociate but I had no idea. He left me and I don’t blame him. Meeting him made me realize that i did not like who I had become, I never again wanted to hurt anyone else the way I hurt him. But here I am, 7 years later and ive finally accepted my reality, I see my family for who they still are. And it hurts. So much so that I would rather just protect myself now. I don’t know how to trust ppl anymore. I always feel like they have ulterior motives.. i never had a chance, and I cant even blame them anymore cus I already knew, but in my drunken high state, I forgot and believed it was all my fault, that I was just born to be a horrible human being to teach others what not to do but now at 27 years old, 8 months sober.... i feel, hurt, empty, stupid. All because I wanted my family to love and accept me I refused to see the reality.... i think somethings snapped in my brain cus I just.. i can’t believe it.
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