How to handle boundaries with Narcissist in laws living with you

@beta818 Hi there, what a difficult situation you are describing. You are being so kind and generous by having them live with you. Do they know how you feel?

Listening - One Step At A Time!

@beta818 I couldn't do it...that sounds ridiculously awful. And you and your spouse are such good people to take care of them. Sending support for the complicated technical and emotional difficulties you're experiencing. I can imagine it being a constant exhausting battle. And you've probably tried so many different things and ways of communicating too. Seems like they see themselves in a position of unquestionable authority and will use bully tactics to maintain it. You not only deserve respect and space, but you need it for your health! I hope that you and your spouse can get through to them. I wonder if it will be most powerful if your spouse lays down the law (boundaries)? Seems like in-laws have greater trouble respecting in-laws in many cases. BTW boundaries are absolutely not selfish. You are taking care of yourself and your immediate family. You need that breathing room mentally (and ultimately physically - because stress causes physical health problems.) Sending support as you seek a solution. Also, I don't mean to add insult to injury - but I had a thought... is there anyway they can get Disability, Retirement, or other type of Wellfare? That's what my parents had to do, otherwise they wouldn't have financial support. And fortunately they were able to get it. Otherwise, I might be in your shoes.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also have a mother in law who won't stop giving advice and gets upset when I try to assert a boundary. I struggle so much with it I can't imagine if she lived here too. I think you guys are going to have to put firm boundaries in place and let your in laws know that these are the rules they must follow if they wish to continue living with you. Sending hugs to you that sounds like a very difficult situation.

@beta818 hi I too am sorry you have to go through this. What I can advise is to create as much a boundary as possible. If you have to live with them it seems a bit difficult. I am a bit surprised however that they would be acting this way especially since it's you who is helping them. In my opinion, regardless, this seems to be an insecurity on their part. I wonder how they were raised. I really hope you can look into some options because it doesn't seem fair that they would treat you like this and for them to live with you. I hope they are helping out in some other way. They obviously feel entitled for whatever reason, maybe they have that old mentality of honoring parents all the time etc. but they really should start showing you some respect. I don't you can really change someone. I can't think of anything aside from trying to "fake" it and fall in their graces. Can they move out? Do you want to live with them for the next 20 years and then take care of them again in their old age? Is there a time frame for them to move out? This doesn't seem fair.

Is there anyway you all can sit down with them and actually talk? Maybe tell them that they need to go to a homeless shelter because you all cannot have them live with you all anymore. Tell them they have 3 more months to live with you all and then they have to leave. They will NEVER leave if you let them continue living there. Your child will be so confused as who are the parents and who are the Grandparents. It is NOT your Husband’s or yours responsibility to “take care” of them. You all have your own life to live. They will make it look like you all are the bad people for making them move out BUT YOU ARE NOT. You all can do it for your marriage and your new baby.

God bless you.

@beta818

You need to tell them to suck it up. They live in your home. Eat your food. Use all your hot water. They need to understand that one day they'll be out on the streets for their ungratefulness. Take charge. Tell them if this behavior continues you will keep them from your child. Fear controls people. Aggression controls the mind. The Alpha affect. Act as if you're better than them, and they will follow.

Good luck. <3