Heavy Decisions

@Therindesign84

You are most welcome my friend! I'm simply glad that I saw your forum post and that I'm able to plug in an support you to the very best of my abilities!

I love how you said the "cool" uncle role because that was precisely what I had in my thought process as well when typing my original response to you! It's exactly where my thoughts went, a cool uncle, fulfilling a role of what some children have that is called a "God parent". Someone truly special to the child, a deep connection. And this relationship can be a truly beautiful thing.

Down the road as the child gets older, he may even call you if he has something to discuss that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing with this parent(s). Someone not as histrionic, someone a little bit removed from the day to day activities of a home and someone that can approach things from a loving but also more logical standpoint. Trusted advisor, sounding board, someone that has his best interests at heart. Sounds like a beautiful union to me!

Yes......I see we have come to the "volatility" of your ex. It's truly unfortunate if your ex continues to resist change in a positive direction. I'm confident there were reasons as to why the two of you are no longer together. I can only imagine there was a "personality conflict" there as to what I hear you saying, you and she are vastly different people.

I really must commend you, once again, as you sound like an incredibly smart man, a deep thinker, and knowing what is waiting for you, many times is half of the battle. You are smart, yup! You know it's coming! She is likely to unleash the beast on you! These things are truly never any fun. So knowing this, could be an opportunity for you to brace yourself if moving away ultimately ends up being your final decision.

Something I have done prior in my personal life is simply something that I call "face the fear, feel the fear", only way I know how to put it. For me, I have sat in the space of what could happen. Quietly, sitting down, all alone. No noise or distractions. Going inside my mind and truly thinking of the worst that could happen. Thinking of it, feeling it, every single bit of it. I keep my eyes closed while doing this. And so after doing that, I open my eyes. And I think, is the "monster" at my front door? Nope! Is the monster sitting with me in my living room? Nope! And then I say to myself "hey self, you are still okay" lol.

It's hard enough for us to change ourselves as people. No way you can change someone else or their reactions if they don't want to change. And so you can second guess what they will say, what they will do, the yelling, cursing, bullying, guilt trips... whatever it could entail. And maybe going into it, knowing what the first reaction will be could help you to find peace with it all. To just sit and watch her do it. Let her "run out of gas", be the logical one in the room and then perhaps come to her senses later and eventually calm down. There is peace with acceptance.

Your new life that could be waiting for you sounds amazing! I truly understand what you mean, city life not great, so nice to get back to basics and have a sense of peace and tranquility. See some grass, see some trees! Slow it all down, watch the sun rise and the sunset. Building the "shack" piece by piece with your own bare hands. Practicing mindfulness while doing so, becoming one with your new home.

As an aside, I can't remember the book title or the author. (it's a classic though)......maybe it was called "Walden Woods"? Ralph Waldo Emerson? Doubtful that I got that right. Maybe that's an entirely different one, but the book I'm speaking of was a novel if I remember correctly, written by a man that went to a cabin in the woods, lived the simple life and enjoyed it. Found the true meaning of things and sat and wrote the novel while he did so. Could be a great read if you ever build your shack. I send big *hugs* and keep me posted. I'm here for you my friend!