Difficult Mum
My relationship with my mum is a difficult one we are very close maybe too close. I'm a single parent with a daughter on the autism spectrum and I have no real support network other than my parents.they try to help me when they can but honestly there not able .my mum try to understand and reads up on things then trust to push these things on me.ive tried most things to help my daughter with her anxiety.But my mum causes alot of my anxiety which my daughter picks ip on.Any time I spend with my mum I always come away feeling down on myself sad lonely and frustrated. She treats me like a child.ive been told in the past that her actions are that of an abusive relationship. I'm not so sure. All rhe advise I've been given in rhe past was to distance myself from her as much as I can but it is so hard as she's my only real support.i need her help with the care of my daughter..this really gets me down. I don't know where to turn.
Hi Kingfisher~ the reason why some others characterize your filial relationship with your mom as being abusive is because she never gave you a space to flourish and thrive. If parents bring their problems to their children, and stresses them out instead, that's not proper parenting. That doesn't mean your mom is malicious, but it still can be abusive to you. I will encourage to develop relationships outside of that with your mom so that you have others to rely on more (or maybe you already do, and that's great). That way, hopefully you can slowly distant yourself from mom while still supporting her accordingly.
Good luck! 💕
Hello,
I totally understand. I've had a similar experience with my mother. You said after talking with your mother you felt worse than you did before. I had the same situation with my mother and I got really tired of it. After the confrontation she stated that she "didn't mean to hurt me" but she wouldn't stopped doing it.
So, I tried the whole distancing myself from her and initially her reaction was to play the victim and make me feel guilty about my emotions. My reaction to this was to NOT TAKE THE BAIT. I responded by describing how her reaction was victimizing herself and she wasn't taking responsibility for her toxic behavior, which I was not going to take part in any longer.
After some time she understood her actions and I do not hesitate in bringing her toxic behavior to her attention. This is what you have to be consistent in and don't feel guilty about distancing yourself.
I know it's difficult, especially if your mother is the only person you feel you have to talk to. But if the person you love doesn't know they're hurting you then they will continue those actions. It's you who has to put a stop to them.