Repair or ignore?
I had a fairly decent childhood, but there were some things that, as I got older, I realized were not normal and were not right. My mother has untreated BPD and would fluctuate between loving me and saying I'm the best thing ever and lashing out with physical punishments (nothing ever worse than a spanking or a swat on the face) or verbal/mental abuse. Now, fully adult, I simply avoid her. I've been told I need to repair the relationship to move past it, but I don't feel like there's anything worth repairing there.
@readingeatingtea It is completely understandable how you are feeling about your relationship with her. Going through verbal and mental abuse at a young age must be difficult and as you said with time you realise certain things were not wrong. But as you said your mother had untreated BPD and it must be really hard for her as well. I agree her behavior was wrong towards you and there is no excuse for it. Now you are an adult and you are still holding on to that grudge, I understand you don't feel like repairing it but you need to heal to move past it. It will not only help in your relationship with mother but also help you with other relations in your life. I know it feels like it is not worth it but just give it a try and see how it works for you. Take your time and start with one step at a time 
@readingeatingtea If she's still untreated it is a possibility that you're still going to have the same ongoing issues. I think the question here is whether or not you think it is worth repairing. I'm sure your mom may not understand why you have chosen to distance yourself. What do you think would happen if you addressed the elephant in the room (the untreated BPD)?
It's all up to you, it's hard to say. Only your awareness makes the choice and it depends on you what the outcome of events will be in the future.
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@readingeatingtea
It is sad that her untreated BPD and corresponding emotional fluctuations have caused you much pain and confusion as you were growing up. Is there a reason the BPD went untreated at the time? Is it still not treated?
Who has told you to repair the relationship and move past it?
Relationships need both sides to want it to work. From what you've shared so far, there doesn't seem to be any room for acknowledgement or improvement for anything on her part - please correct me if I'm wrong.
We make choices all the time in our lives. As an adult, you've had a moment to think, reflect and analyze what happened. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt, pain, confusion and need to protect yourself, are all valid.
