Accontability thread - week 30/2024 (July 22-28)

@enigmaticOcean8813

Enjoy your time with family!

Yeah, that is what I am referring to when I say temptation. For me, it is a slippery slope. If I have a bite of something I do not feel "good" about, I often feel like my entire day is ruined and that triggers a binge. I know this is a habit I need to work on, and mindset. 

So temptation for me, is to indulge in that sweet treat that will lead to a binge session essentially.

I dislike sweets and have for years. My temptation is a bag of pretzels Chex Mix, or some kind of pub mix. If I don't stop b myself I can really binge and often accompanied by wine or whiskey.

More lately, I will I have one pretzel and stop myself. I just don't know moderation, which is the healthy approach to food.

Hi Phoenix,

great to hear you’re finally “out” of Covid and can get back to normal life. I have already read about your family reunion so I’ll move to that message now. I just wanted to let you know I’ve read this too 😊

Accountability 7/27

A nice day spent with family at my reunion. Most of my family there knows I try to watch what I eat, so it was nice not feeling "judged", openly at least. It also was my cousin's birthday so they brought a cookie cake for her to enjoy. I declined and felt fine about this. There was a point when my uncle who cut the cake said "I cut pieces for everyone who didn't take one?" and I told them it was me and just no thank you.

I had a great workout in the AM with a longer run, and my meals were not even that different yesterday but I felt bloated/fuller in the evening. Not entirely sure why this is the case, perhaps my body's digestion is just still getting used to things. Trying to just think positive and realize that it is not necessary making me "fat" or anything. It is just a sensation and the image I project is all in my head.

Still, stuck to my healthy meals and feel good about things. Starting to look forward to each day and the "challenges" of eating as obstacles like when I am competing in my races.

Love to all and hope you are having a nice weekend!

Hi Phoenix,

I am so happy your family reunion went smoothly and that nobody judged you or pushed you to do something you didn’t want. Most of the times when someone says “thanks I don’t want the cake” people normally start insisting. It’s refreshing to read everybody accepted it and went on. And great job for recognizing you didn’t need/want that and simply say no. It shows great control and respect for your body.

I would like to thank you for writing about your body getting used to eating differently and so that feeling full/bloated is just a feeling and not actually being fat. It’s something I know but can’t really get for myself. Reading it said by you, made me think about it a little bit more and I think I will try to associate that feeling with you and your message in the future, as a “reminder” of how I should look at this…

Sending much love ❤️

Accountability entry for Saturday 27th and Sunday 28th

Started my Saturday morning with a 11 km run where I did my PR on the 10 k. I normally do my longer runs on Sunday but since I knew we were going to the cinema that night and I would not have been in my best shape on Sunday morning, I decided to switch up my workouts.

I ate well the whole day. Since I knew the night was pizza + cinema, weeks ago I would have eaten less to compensate, but this time I didn’t. I chose the lightest possible pizza (without cheese, with grilled vegetables) but still… I’d say it was a victory.

What wasn’t good was that I decided to wear a light, breezy dress since it’s so hot these days. 99.9% of the time, if I am not home alone or out running, I wear jeans. And yesterday evening I remembered why I don’t do dresses. I spent the entire time focusing on how the dress was falling on my belly, how even if it wasn’t tight at all, I could still see the outline of my belly. I would look at other women’s bodies and they had perfectly flat bellies underneath tight dresses, while I was there with a larger one and I could still see that my belly wasn’t flat. I was so uncomfortable the entire night!!!

luckily the cinema was pitch black, and Deadpool was so funny, it made me forget my clothes and belly for a couple of hours.

This morning I had my normal breakfast, in spite of the pizza the previous night and the fact I felt fat. But I must say it’s all due to the fact I always prepare it the night before, otherwise this morning I would have probably bailed out.

Had lunch too, and now I am relaxing a little bit after a Sunday spent cleaning up and stocking up the freezer with several meals for the week.

Good for you on f the pizza victory! I do the same thing all the time. Eat a lot, then compensate the b next day by not eating a lot or severely restricting what I eat. I am my worst enemy.

You are doing great! Keep it up!

Thanks Ocean! How is it going at your children’s? Are you having a good time?

Everyone has arrived, so that is good and the little hone are getting along well (4, 3 years old). Food is a problem for me and the side effects are still a problem. We left meal planning to our kids so everything j is way out or delivery which I hate and not really good for me - can't apportion meals correctly.

I should not complain. We are all together.

@enigmaticOcean8813

Sounds like a challenging weekend for you with the food and I am sending thoughts your way! I get the whole wanting to be in control of what foods are there and being out of your comfort zone.

I hope that you are able to nourish yourself well still. It is natural to feel some anxiety and stress about the food, but as you said try and focus on the fact you are together with your family, and deep down they love you regardless of what you may or may not eat.

Soon you will be in more control and hopefully will have a small victory under your belt for at least going out of your comfort zone and being with family!

I thought I responded to this a few minutes ago. The little ones (4yo, 3yo) are getting along famously. Food is a problem as most meals are out, which I don't like. I should not complain as we are all together.

@enigmaticOcean8813

Hi Ocean, 
It's the stupid app, you had actually replied!

I am glad the family reunion is going well, but I am sorry you've been faced with our worst nightmare - eating out or ordering take out. With your digestive issues it's even worse. 
Does your family understand this, though? Not for anorexia, but at least for you digestive issues... If they could understand this, and maybe have some "real" homemade meals, maybe it could help you? And you could also feel more heard/understood by  the rest of your loved ones...
How long are you staying with them?

@Turtle, @Phoenix thanks to you both for the support and fellowship. It really means a lot right now.

The story about these family gatherings and d food is long I'll try to make it short. Normally we would meet at my house but r this years it is up for sale so we are at my son's. At our house we would cook. My son and his wife like to eat out so we have to go with the flow. The kids don't know all the details of my ED.

Fortunately the restaurant planned for tonight is closed!!! So the kids are cooking a real meal!!! Real veggies pasta and impossible burgers. I don't know what is planned for tomorrow, but one day at a time...

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Are you in the Olympics? Cause you are scoring some huge victories recently! You certainly deserve a gold for the last few days.

Your compromise with the pizza was great. I think that wanting to eat healthily yet also enjoy the idea of pizza and having a "healthier" slice is a great compromise. It shows courage in yourself for trying something that you may not have eaten in the past, or felt bad about, but also respect for your body/mind. 

I also imagine that you looked just fine in your dress. In fact, people were probably looking at you wishing they had a certain image/ect. But I know it is hard to tell ourselves that. I have read multiple times that we tend to compare ourselves to others and don't realize that others are also constantly comparing themselves as well. It is sad that our culture has done so much to promote this, and the best thing to do is just accept where we are. NOW IF ONLY I CAN TAKE MY OWN ADVICE! Hahaha.

Again great work! I'm jealous that you got to see deadpool. That is going to be my gift this upcoming weekend and I'm already counting down!

@Phoenix22k
Ahahah your sentence about the Olympics really brought a smile on my face!
Thank you 🥰
We are sooo good at giving each others' advices, and not really being able to follow them, right? 😉
But you're really helping me Phoenix. I know it might seem stupid or you might think I am exaggerating this, but I really think about you sometimes and I try to think about what you'd write me, or what I would write you if you were in my shoes... And it helps!!!
I am grateful we found each other!

I agree too that we have found each other.

I've been trying to respond all day, but the 7c app has been all weird unveil a few minutes ago

Accountability 7/28

Had a really nice Sunday. I went to the amusement park with my sister and her family and really enjoyed it! I had eaten lunch before hand, as food is way to expensive there and not the healthiest anyway, and felt fine. Since my previous days of success I just enjoyed the rides much more and the time with my nephews. I'm glad I got to go, and that it was in a reasonable time-frame for me. I was able to still get home around 6:00 and have a healthy dinner, get to bed at a good time.

While at the park I tried to not compare myself to others. I wore a tank top, and I'm in pretty good shape so felt confident. But compared myself a little to the other guys and their physique. But I also tried to think to myself, how many people may be comparing themselves to me? Not gloat, but I have been told I am handsome and am in pretty good shape. So I'm sure there are some out there doing the same. In the end it is none of my business and I cannot know, but it helped me have some confidence and not fixate on others as much. So... a win perhaps? Perhaps an unconventional one.

I am heading back to summer school tomorrow and just keep telling myself 5 days and I'll be back to some "real" summer vacation. Also... definitely going to make it my treat to see Deadpool this weekend! @Turtleonmyleftarm also inspired me with her sunglasses and I do want a new pair of workout/running shoes, so maybe that can be a future gift.

Looking forward to cheering you all on this upcoming week! I'm guessing a new Thread will be made.

@Phoenix22k

Hooray for the great report! And good luck in summer school @Phoenix. What are you studying?

@enigmaticOcean8813

Thanks! I am actually the teacher myself. I teach mathematics and for the summer it is Algebra I and Algebra II. The classes are really small in the summer so it is nice and not too stressful.

End of August... the "real" year begins!

Good luck with the summer classes. How old are the students? When I taught college, I never taught in the summers, spending the time focussing instead on research.

@Phoenix22k

Sorry I made a mess!
I didn't notice you already created the new thread so I created a new one.

Now I can't find your new one and neither my new one 🤣