@GriefAngel I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. It sounds like you're dealing with complex emotions and behaviors surrounding food and eating. You're not alone in feeling this way; many people face similar struggles.
It's important to acknowledge that disordered eating patterns can be tough to break free from, and it's not your fault. The feeling of accomplishment you mentioned might stem from the sense of control you believe you have over your eating habits. However, it's crucial to remember that healthy eating and self-care are essential for your well-being.
If you haven't already, consider reaching out to a professional who specializes in eating disorders or disordered eating behaviours. They can provide the support and guidance you need to navigate through this difficult time. Surrounding yourself with understanding and caring individuals, such as friends and family, can also be beneficial.
Remember, healing takes time, and it's okay to take small steps towards positive changes. Be gentle with yourself and seek help if you need it. You deserve support and care during this journey. Don't hesitate to reach out to someone who can assist you in finding a path towards a healthier relationship with food and yourself. Take care.