Old ED Triggered

Hi everyone. I'm new in this forum, but I've used 7Cups for a while. I'm going through a really challenging moment in my life. My partner of 4.5 years who I thought I was in a committed relationship with (on the verge of trying for a baby; he's mid 30s and I'm reaching late 30s) unexpectedly told me he is not sure he wants to continue our relationship.

I haven't had real struggles with ED for quite a few years now; last time it was bad was probably 2018. 

The situation right now, and my seeming lack of control, is really triggering me. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, which is zapping my appetite.. but I'm also finding that I'm feeling comfort in not eating and having some control over this. Part of it also comes down to the fact that we normally eat together; now I'm not preparing food and caring for him and our relationship in this way, I am also not caring for myself by eating properly...

I'm feeling so not myself. I'm unable to enjoy things that I typically enjoy (creative things, time with friends, cooking, etc.). I am on anti-anxiety meds. Had a bit of a breakdown a week ago..

Just in a very rough spot. :( I don't really know what I want from this post.. I guess just to share what's happening and be honest about the ED struggle putting its head up again.