My girlfriend potentially has an ed
So my girlfriend started gaining weight in the pandemic and has had difficulties keeping it off. Particularly during stressful events such as exams because during these periods we typically have a sedentary lifestyle due to continuous studying and because of stress, she tends to order in calorie heavy foods.
She has a relatively active schedule now with dance classes and working out in her free time but it takes time for the weight to come off and since she still has her comfort carb foods it’s going to take even longer.
She usually rants to me and cries about her weight and how she pukes up her food if she has had a lot and doesn’t want it to sit as fat in her body and it affects me negatively.
I have and still do have weight issues. I have always been fat. Only recently due to an illness i lost weight. But to maintain this weight I have starved myself and brought back my unhealthy relationship with food and listening to my girlfriend talk about hers gets to me sometimes.
She’s never willing to accept help about this topic from either me or professionals because of course her parents have been critiquing her for so long that anything similar from anyone else probably sounds similar to her parents’ harsh words.
She has been dismissive about my weight issues in the past and I had brought it up with her and she said she won’t do it anymore but I still don’t feel comfortable talking to her about my own weight issues because I might end up triggering hers. She thinks that people who are “thinner” than her shouldn’t talk about how much weight they’ve gained and stuff.
I don’t want to negatively get affected by this anymore but I want to stay by her side and help her through her bad days without it getting to me much. I don’t know how to help her and it doesn’t look like she wants help anyways but I’m really lost and confused on how to deal with this.
@calmTree3152
It sounds like you're in a really difficult place right now. It shows your compassion that you want to support your girlfriend even though she isn't wanting help and your own personal struggle.
Have you sought help for your journey with your weight? Do you feel like your weight has moved into an eating disorder or still is in disordered eating? There are support groups available for you if you'd like to receive support in a group setting as well, for both eating disorders and disordered eating.
It's hard when you're trying to make changes and not trigger someone you care about when you are trying to work on your own issue. I want to encourage you to try to focus on your health even though it might impact your girlfriend. I would imagine you would be happiest at your best self, as most of us would be. You are definitely not alone in your struggle.Thank you for your kind words. I have been eating properly these days. Due to my health I sometimes do not have the energy to even walk for an hour or so and this sedentary lifestyle has been resulting in weight gain and I’ve started hating the way I look. So far I have been eating well but I hope it doesn’t get bad again. And do you have any ideas as to how I should distance myself from my girlfriend’s issues so that they don’t end up affecting my emotions negatively?
@calmTree3152
It's good to hear that you are doing better with eating. I know that is tough.
What do you think you could do to separate your issues from hers?
I find that when I am struggling to separate myself from something, try to remind myself about what I can control and what I can't control. I can't control what another person does - only what I can do. Then the question I have to ask myself is what can I do for me even if the other person won't join me, won't help me or won't change even if I want them to?
It's not easy to do, but at least I can look at what I do have control of and set my expectations accordingly.
