I can't do this alone, I need help

@PeriwinklePeppermint

It is amazing how many ways we can look  at this...

You have had some success with diet and exercise and occasionally you revert to secret eating or binges.   I do some binges not related to anything but stress or being ticked off. 

So instead of an eating issue it can be a short term self harm.... perhaps a coping issue. once you recognize the trigger...... you can avert them of change the outcome... many of us do similar things ... and i believe you can conquer anything you want to. 

@PeriwinklePeppermint

Hey Peppermint. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with food and your diet. Know that you are not alone, and you do not need to do this "by yourself".

I have struggled with Binge eating and my diet as well and have found this community of people very helpful. I did the therapy route for a while too, and found some success, but it did not quite "click" for long term.

I have been managing my ED with the help of @turtleonmyleftarm and @enigmaticOcean8813 we have an accountability thread where we share our days, challenges, and support one another.

It sounds like you are a motivated person! And that you truly wish to change which are great steps to acknowledge and begin. For me, fitness has been a life-saver, and while we are all on different paths, I encourage you to try to get back into a routine at least to build confidence. This can be some simple walks, bodyweight exercises, ect. By no means is it a solution to everything, but it gives me the motivation each day to try again and to improve.

You've proven to yourself you can set a goal and reach it, so how about trying to set a new goal? Maybe just 1-2 days of eating healthy. Note how you feel during these days, when your triggers come up, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE with your challenges and many people face them. 

I commend your courage for reaching out and am sending positive thoughts your way.

@PeriwinklePeppermint,

You don't need to do this alone, Periwinkle Peppermint. You took the first really big step by reaching out to the Eating Disorder Support Community. I am grateful that Phoenix included both Turtle and myself in the message, as the three of us have been supporting each other for several weeks now as we struggle with the same issues as you are.

None of us - not the three of us, or you, or Tough Tiger - have to go it alone. Like you, I grew up fat, with a fat mother. But once I started wrestling in high school and in college, weight control was everything.

If you know anything about the risk factors for eating disorders, sports like wrestling, swimming, or gymnastics are a real red flag. Funnily enough, earlier today, I found my high school letter for wrestling, which was a horrid reminder of what I went through.

I've been restricting for many years. I was restricting for 50 years before I finally admitted to myself, my wife, and my doctors within the past month that I have an eating disorder problem. That's right, 50 years.

I don't binge like I used to when I was younger. But a lot of it's been restriction. I'm trying to come back now, and I have good support from the community here, especially Phoenix and Turtle.

I would encourage you to join us and stay with us. You are not dumb for letting it get this far, because I'm telling you that I have been restricting for 50 years, so you are not dumb. You are not out of control. And you are not powerless, because you took the first step and you have, as Tough Tiger said, some success, as you wrote.

Short-term goals, as Phoenix wrote, are a very good idea. The three of us work on just setting goals a day at a time, and we try to check in with each other every day. I'm not as good as they are, but we do try to check in and focus on a day at a time, not the long term.

So, be well. Let us hear from you. And we wish you all the best.

enigmaticOcean8813