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PeriwinklePeppermint
2 912 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 19, 2023
Bio

Realising that I've only ever wanted to be free, while trapped in a loving codependency that I cannot conceptualise getting out of without faking my death.

Working on trying to conceptualise that.

Also, questioning everything I thought I knew about myself.

Recent forum posts
I can't do this alone, I need help
Eating Disorder Support / by PeriwinklePeppermint
Last post
 November 11th
...See more I've been trying to deal with this alone for the past years, until I finally tried asking for help. I don't like talking online, but I'm only getting worse. I don't know that I have an ed, but something is going on. I tried talking with my therapist about it, but he said he isn't trained on eating disorders, and since I'm not losing weight he's not that concerned. I grew up fat, with a fat mother who projected her insecurities on me. 3 years ago I started a structured diet plan and in 1 year had reached my set goal, although I felt like it wasn't actually enough. But then instead of continuing, I stopped? Which could have been good, only then I started slowly gaining back the weight. Since before I can remember I tried to work out to lose weight (I have memories from kindergarten and preschool where I would skip playtime to workout). And then around 9 or 10 I started restricting, then later I started binging and eating secretively. And while I was on the diet program I wasn't doing any of that. Well, I did a few times, but I hadn't for a long time. And now it's all coming back, and I'm so tired of all this. I try to be mindful, but it only works for a little bit, when at all. I feel powerless and dumb for letting it get this far, and I don't want to admit that I'm out of control.
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