Eating feels bad
Hi everyone!
I don't know if I have a eating disorder, but in my hole life I was worry about how I look and my weight.
Since I was a little all the people were making comments about my body. But what really hurt me it's that comment come specially from my family. People always said to my mom that I look to big for my age and that I was fat.
When I was little, I had to repeat a year in elementary school. My puberty started very quickly, and I developed faster than my other classmates. That made me very insecure and hate my curvy body. I didn't understand why I wasn't like the others. Why was I so tall? Why didn't I look my age? Why was my bust so big? I started to hate this more and more, especially when I began to be harassed. Men made comments like "Hey beautiful!" but it didn't feel right, and others would stare at me and try to approach me, and this was when I was only 11 years old.
Today, I'm trying to love my body more, but sometimes it's very difficult, especially when it comes to eating. Sometimes I feel bad about eating and I can't control myself. I eat even when I'm not hungry because it makes me feel good during the process, but I end up feeling guilty for having eaten too much.
And even though I have lost weight, people still make comments like "You lost weight, didn't you? You looked better before," and this makes it harder to love myself.
But it is possible!
@agreeableMoon9896
I'm really glad you're here. I'm sorry that you've had to go through this all your life. People unfortunately don't know how to keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves.
I'm hearing that it's tough but I'm also hearing that you're working on being the best you, and the best you is not related to their comments, but who you are inside.
I know the food struggle is real.
@agreeableMoon9896
I have always been overweight and plain looking. I wasn't really called fat (except for my brother). But I wasn't as skinny as the rest of the people at my school. I didn't have a boyfriend all through school. It gave me the belief that I wasn't attractive.
When I went to college, I lost over 25 lbs. (I had money problems and I couldn't afford food for a while). I lived off 2 bowls of rice a day and 1 piece of chicken a week. I went down to 114 lbs. and I thought I was too skinny.
Later, I got married and my husband said I should do whatever made me happy because I only had one life. I gained weight and stayed at a weight I was comfortable with for years.
Then, my depression I had been struggling with since high school, worsened. So I started to gain weight. I would either eat or starve myself when I was depressed.
Now, I am diagnosed with diabetes. There are a lot of foods that I am not supposed to eat anymore. I got paranoid about eating the right kinds of food, so there are many times I just skip eating. I only test my blood sugar in the morning and the readings have been good. I had a blood test today and I am worried my A1C levels have not gone down. In 2 months I lost 13 lbs. But for the last month I haven't been able to lose anything, my weight has stayed the same. My kids are worried I am developing a eating disorder.
According to the BMI charts, I need to lose 30 more lbs. to be at a good weight. For the last whammy, I am also pre-menopausal.
I believe that my diabetes is complicated by my depression and my home life. I haven't been happy for a long time and recently I've been feeling trapped. I don't know what to do.
Thank you for sharing your story.
@agreeableMoon9896
Hi Moon,
I am sorry you had to go through this.
But may I say how much I admire you? No matter the hardship, your message is still positive. You write it is possible to love youself, and you're committed to improving your internal voice's messages and how you perceive youself. So kudos to you!!!
I really hope you can keep this positive attitude up! And the eating just for the reward of it, will slowly reduce itself. I am sure of it!
Sending love!