XMAS dinner w/ family and eating disorder

thesuhnwillriseforyou, its always tough to eat around family members. Your mom probably means well. Maybe if you have a 1 on 1 with her and tell her how your battle with food is working on you. im a weight watchers member and that is a good support group for people struggling with their weight. i lost 55 pounds through their program. My mom and grandma used to be big food pushers, youd hear, come on theres plenty of food left, somebodies got to eat it so we dont have to throw it away. just focus on what you feel is right. ultimately you probably know what is right for you. Just make sure youre eating enough to be able to get the nutrients your body needs. Take care of yourself. I dont know if this was helpful for you or not, I was taking a shot to try and help you.

Hey, thanks for posting =) When it comes to "praise", it does have a lot of negative consequences. For example, your mom praising you about your looks now makes you think that being pretty only comes with being slim. Similarly, praising a child and telling them they are intelligent when they solve a problem could result in them thinking that being smart means solving problems successfully. Conversely, if they don't solve problems successfully, they are not smart. Instead of praising their intelligence, praising their effort is the way to go. That being said, I think your mom has good intentions, but doesn't know what she is triggering. I suggest talking to her and letting her know your situation. I hope this made sense, I had a bit of trouble putting my thoughts into words =)

I get how hard it can be, especially when people are unintentionally triggering you and you are in situations where everyone is eating a lot. I agree with others that you could maybe talk with her about how much it is hurting you

Thesuhnwillriseforyou,

We can form food aversions as a result of unhealthy views of not only food but our self image as well. When I began to lose weight friends and family would comment on how good I looked and yes I noticed how lose some of pants and shorts had become. This was a motivating point for me and I focused this in what I thought was a positive direction. The fact is I became obsessed with my weight and if my clothes began to fit, by fit I mean they were not as lose, I began to feel anxiety because felt I was slipping rapidly back into my old habits.

The compliments for you may not have been the norm for you and as a result you feel uneasy because you are unsure of how to take them. In fact you may be unsure if the comments will trigger you to either avoid food or possibly eat as a result of emotional confusion or as a tool to sooth your anxiety. It is not at all uncommon to develop anxiety associated with food(s) and the type of anxiety that is associated with food may be more related to state anxiety. I agree with others in this thread that the compliments are not intended to do harm and it is agreeable that you talk with you mother as well.

As a parent myself I find that I am clumsy with my words though I have learned to ask first and I can read my sons cues with a fair amount of accuracy so as to edit myself. A conversation with your mother will need to be approached with tact and planned too. I would encourage you to not approach your mother on the fly as this may present a misunderstanding for the both of you. In fact I think a one on one for all who give complements (if you feel this is needed) may be a preferred choice.

If I am to make an observation I think it is the social setting in which you find the compliments to cause the most anxiety. I say this because often this is the case but not always, when we find ourselves in social settings among people we have not seen in a while we might feel that we are on display when a parent gives a compliment and further promotes the achievements of their child in this case successful weigh t loss.

Finally there is nothing wrong with a cheat day once a week for example but only for one meal. Complete and total deprivation of favorite foods can lead to reoccurring failures and thus to a feeling of hopelessness in ones efforts to lose weight. I took this approach and even on cheat meal days I still exercised, thought the cheat meal was either breakfast or lunch never dinner or in the evening unless I was carb loading for a long bike ride the next day.

Congratulations on your successful weight loss and I encourage you to seek out a one on one with your mother via a tactful manner and with a set time to make the meeting both formal and to avoid interruptions.

Keep up the good work!!

v/r

EIB94