Unsure
I've had this problem off and on for years. I skip meals,and when I do eat I eat as little as possible, and after I want to go throw it up. I constantly relapse into this cycle of all of my bad habits. I know that I'm hurting myself but I can't stop. I think awful things about myself and I have breakdowns all the time. My family doesn't know, no one does. I'm hurting so much, but I always feel like I'm just being dramatic or that it doesn't really matter at all. I feel like I can't tell anyone because I'm not super skinny, you can't see all of my bones or anything and I do eat except when I relapse. I'm not even sure if this is serious or if I need help. I just needed to tell someone this.
@courageousYard2876, I'm sorry you are unsure, it's terrible that you are but I can tell you that you did the right thing by opening up here, it's the first step.
Just because you're not skinny does not mean your struggle with eating disorders is not real, your thoughts are valid, what you're feeling is valid and hey, we all need a little help sometimes.
Maybe you'd like to talk a little about the emotions that throwing up invoke, or how it helps make you feel better and we could go over alternatives that might do the same.
I'm glad you decided to share, 7cups salutes your honesty, we want to know you and we want to help.
@DHawks @Anomalla Thank you both for your kind words. It means a lot to me, more than you will ever know. Honestly, it feels really good to be able to express my thoughts this way and even the small amount of support you've both shown me has helped me accept the way I feel. I will definitely take up your offers to talk, whenever I need to.
@courageousyard2876 - I will echo what's been already said. Weight is not an indicator of seriousness of your illness. I struggled with that too - the idea that I wasn't sick enough to get help yet - and by denying it, I fell further and further into the rabbit hole and did tremendous damage to my body.
I promise that you are sick enough to get help. I promise that you deserve that help and that you deserve to be healthy and happy. And I promise that you can be both of those things.
The first step was opening up here, and I'm really proud of you for doing that. But now it's time to take the next step in your recovery. Take care, be safe, and reach out if you ever want to talk.