Relapse into restrictive eating disorder
I was completely out of it for 5 years. No thoughts about food, no depression, no wanting to get thinner, none of that sh*t.
And now here I am, back at it. I told my first lie to a loved one today. I mean the first lie about food because of the current relapse. I don't want that. But I've not been able to stop. I'm trying to fight it, but it keeps coming back every day. It's been only a week of restricting, but it's bad. It started because of the ongoing situation of not being able to find a job and not feeling I'd succeed in keeping it, being more and more broke and feeling out of hope. Then all it took was a trigger, someone saying the wrong things regarding my adhd and my strong suspicions about being autistic as well, my intention to ask for an assessment and accomodations. "You're just looking for excuses, you just need to move your a**, another label isn't going to change anything". Well if nothing is going to be any different and my best has never been enough maybe I'm just not cut for surviving. And that's when eating disorders gain a lot of appeal. I never felt overweight, it's never been about improving my appearance, I never restricted to try and live. It's always been to try and disappear. I don't even have the heart to tell people who care for me how bad it's gotten. Knowing of and witnessing my daily struggles and my depression is already heavy on them. I don't know how to get help. I don't know if to even hope for help if I keep being dismissed and not believed. I don't know what to do
@GhostlyLilian
Hi Lilian.
There are Eating disorder support-group here at 7Cup. Maybe you should go there to talk.
@Helgafy really? I've been on 7 cups for quite a bit, I thought I remembered a lot of group chats were shut down, ED being one of them. I looked for it to be sure and didn't find it. Am I missing something?
@GhostlyLilian
Well - it seems more like a place where people with similar problems write. I went to "My communities", then "Topics" (a fish is there), then "Explore communities" and then press on "Eating Dissorder support".
Remember you're wonderful and perfect made in the image og God (Jesus Christ) and worthy to be loved in good days and in bad days. Ther's noone on this planet being exactly as you. Our bodies need food for each cell to work, our brain needs calories to be able to think.
From Helga.
@Helgafy 😑 I would like to appreciate the help, but I don't like when specific religions are kinda forced on me. What if I I believe in God Hallah? What if I don't believe in God? It kinda looks like you're trying to make a point and convert me. If you want to pray your god for me go ahead, I appreciate the thought and the effort, but telling me what to think according to your religion seems a step too far
@GhostlyLilian
Friend.
Here comes another version to you of my answer : Remember you're wonderful and perfect made and worthy to be loved in good days and in bad days. Ther's noone on this planet being exactly as you. Our bodies need food for each cell to work, our brain needs calories to be able to think.
From Helga.