My eating is improving, but it's causing other problems.
Back when i was barely eating, I was constantly fatigued, moody and generally feeling like shite. I told myself it was due to the lack of food, and I felt like this way, it was at least by my own choice I felt this way. After all, I controlled the eating.
My eating has improved, I'm having daily meals and maintaining a stable bloodsugar. However, my mood and depression has not improved. I'd say it feels even worse now because I've come to realise I can't blame it on my choice of actions (or lack thereof).
I'm feeling so trapped in this depression that the allure of going back to starving myself to regain a sense of control is starting to get overwhelming. At least when I wasn't eating, I could cling onto the belief that I only felt that way because I was hungry or had low bloodsugar, you know?
How do I keep myself from going down that rabbit hole again? I've been doing so well, but my life feels so out of control and hopeless and I don't know what to do.
@Miika815 hi! And I hope you are ok-ish. I know the feeling of when depression is a bitch. I feel it every fall and every spring. Almost at least. What helps me is to keep moving. Going on walks, bikerides, runs and going to the gym. I know it's not good advice for someone not eating, but if you are eating kinda ok then you can move a little more. My depression is a bitch, when I don't get out enough. When I sleep in every day, and stay inside my apartment.
That's the only advice I can come up with, other than seeing a doctor about your moods and depressive thoughts. I hope it will get better with time and maybe getting out more. Please if you feel like relapsing then talk to someone about it a therapist or even me. I have a listener's account out there somewhere. I can dig it up for you, if you would like 