Exercise
I downloaded a couch to 5K app and started it. And then I got my *** handed to me by my therapist and dietician. They say that because I just recently stopped purging and restricting, that is seems like I’m trying to grab onto something else. They’re not wrong.
Exercise in recovery is so freaking hard. On one hand I need to lose weight, I have high blood pressure and depression. Exercise helps with all that. But because those desires are also coupled with ED thinking, it makes it dangerous. My care team actually said that it’s not recommended to workout at the beginning of recovery at all.
So now I get to the place where I sound like a petulant child…It’s not fair. It’s not fair that a person without an eating disorder can diet, exercise for weight loss, and track their calories and movement. It’s times like this I hate my brain. I’m fighting against the urge to say “F it” and just exercise anyway. With the hope that I can focus on the good things and not the ED thinking. But I may just be fooling myself.
@mich765
Interesting i have never heard of exercise being discouraged .... what about a compromise not a hard core regimen but simply a walk every day......that can help with depression and is slow exercise for weight loss.
if you see yourself overdoing it.....put a limit on how far in a day etc or every other day .... being stressed and told not to do things that would in most other cases seem positive is a mixed message in my opinion.
@toughTiger6481 thank you. I think that’s what my care team is saying too. To not jump in so fast, choosing a type of exercise solely because it is a quicker way to lose weight. That movement is good, but not as another form of restriction. My body kind of made this decision for me, as the last time I ran I hurt my back and it turns out that I dislocated a rib. So…gentle walking is all I can do right now anyway.
@mich765
You are right, it's not fair that you have to struggle because of your eating disorder. It's tough to find the balance between the eating disorder voice, the ED behaviors and healthy.
Knowing that your therapist and dietitian challenged you, and that you recognize the cross over yourself, how do you feel about them bringing it up? I would imagine there might be a variety of feelings related to it.
I hear you when you say it's tempting to give up. Yet I read post after post with you fighting to move forward and I applaud the persistence that you continue to make to work toward recovery with both vulnerability and healthy choices that are difficult to choose when the ED voice screams to choose differently.
I agree with @toughTiger6481 that walking can allow for the movement that your body needs and you desire right now. I would imagine that as you continue to make progress, there will be changes in what you can do in the future with regard to movement. Right now though, it's important to take things slow so you don't exchange one problem for another.
I'm so glad you are posting about what's going on. It says a lot and that you really do want the best for yourself. I'm here to support you as you work through the challenges and successes you are making on the road to recovery. Keep sharing. You are worth the fight.