Discussion: Eating Disorders and Recovery
Family support systems are amazing -- but they dont always know how to help. What support do you have from your family/group?Welcome to our Eating Disorder Support Discussion on Eating Disorders and Recovery! We haven't had many dicussions in this subcommunity yet, but you might be familiar with our support discussions from other subcommunities. We want this to be an informative, engaging time for you. Lets remember to show kindness and support to each other. If you need support during this time, please visit the other support rooms, or connect with a listener in a 1-on-1 chat here. https://www.7cupsoftea.com/BrowseListeners/
I will be posting a new question or statement daily, and hopefully we can get some interesting discussion flowing! Feel free to comment on each other (in a respectful manner) or ask questions back.
All questions for one discussion will continued to be posted under the main forum thread that was created for the discussion in progress.
Eating disorders come in many shapes and forms, and are a chronic illness. While we encourage everyone to participate, I ask that you respect everyones experience with eating disorders. If you feel upset or triggered you can visit 7cups.com/BrowseListeners to connect 1-1.
Q1. Lets start today off with an icebreaker. What is one thing that you like to do for self care?
~ Question.2 has now been posted to the thread
Q.2 Very briefly, I would everyone like to sharing our diagnosis/disorder so we can be empathetic to the needs of all of the room. Feel free not to participate, but also know that there are people here to support you <3
~ Question.3 has now been posted to the thread
Q.3 What does recovery mean to you? Is it, for example, physical, emotional, spiritual
~ Question.4 has now been posted to the thread
Q.4 What makes you want to choose recovery?
~ Question.5 has now been posted to the thread
Q.5 What makes you continue to choose recovery?
~ Question.6 has now been posted to the thread
Q.6 When you are trying to recover from an eating disorder it can often feel impossible. Do you feel like you have enough support right now?
~ Question.7 has now been posted to the thread
Q.7 What are some other places you could reach out to for support?
~ Question.8 has now been posted to the thread
Q.8 Lets take a step back and be gentle for a moment. What is one thing you are grateful for about recovery?
~ Question.9 has now been posted to the thread
Q.9 Do you worry about relapses? How big of a concern is this for you?
~ Question.10 has now been posted to the thread
Q.10 Family support systems are amazing -- but they dont always know how to help. What support do you have from your family/group?
~ Question.11 has now been posted to the thread
Q.11 What type of support would you *want* from your family/group?
~ Question.12 has now been posted to the thread
Q.12 If there was one thing you could change today in your recovery journey what would it be?
Discussion completed! feel free to reply to the questions that were posted!
Tagging some people who may be interested. This tag list will not be used again for ED Forum discussions as we understand that not everyone may be interested in this and to make sure that ones who are interested get's the tag, we will be using this form to keep track. Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions. Same form but linked twice.
@carrotcakefan @ForeverKeepRising @Anomalia @justbreathe11 @PuppyLove13 @1adaptabletiger @CatGirl2015 @aminacoffin @MayBlue @Just0Annie @teddybear211 @summertimesamness @MapleSyyrup @FruitRock @Dancingalong @blissedNblessed @voyagetohavingneweyes @Yendi @DolphinsRLife99 @dancingrainbow45 @Teasley4031 @SunFern @allnaturalNight50 @Peanat @NightOwlNightmare @Coolkidallthetime1998 @SmileYoureWorthIt @sweetMelody95 @Narby @calmZebra @Lucy @SunFern @allnaturalNight50 @Juniter @Deathandallhisfriends @Nethersong @xbritx @Popbabe2410 @Butterflygirl1 @RedBlossom @ProSupport @resourcefulPond1641 @sujaypai @resourcefulPond1641 @brightLight35 @brendenjensen @goldenbeach22 @taylorjensen @blithesoul64 @brendenjnsn @comfortingAngel @Aubrey2018 @WendyBird15 @gelidaaer @MimiBliss @IamOHhhh @highlandramtv @LittleLotte @beautifulmelody11 @impartialplane7172
@Laraland, thank you for starting this discussion. I like going for short walks, drinking green tea and watching some light hearted comedy sitcoms. what about you?
I like to take a bath with a Lush bath bomb and watch a DVD at the same time - it's a good way to relax and keep clean without overthinking the process too much (like I do in the shower).
@LittleLotte That sounds very relaxing and lovely! Interesting how the shower gets your thoughts running and you can relax better in the bath.
@Laraland I guess I have more 'OCD/trying to be clean' type thoughts in the shower, and can see my body so I get lots of negative thoughts, whereas in a bubble bath, I can't see through the bubbles so I'm not able to view my body easily.
@LittleLotte thank you for sharing! Is this also why you watch the film in the bathtub, to take your mind off any forced thoughts?
@Laraland Yes, watching a film is a good distraction, it's not so easy to do that in the shower!
@LittleLotte Wow that's interesting. And what kind of movies do you love to watch?
@sujaypai I'm a big horror movie fan, but my bath films tend to be either sci-fi/fantasy or kids films.
@LittleLotte Oh wow. Me too a horror movie fan. Love Sci-fi and thrillers.
@sujaypai Recently I've been re-watching old TV series like the X-Files and Twin Peaks!
@LittleLotte Oh my God. Mention of X Files just made me nostalgic. Back then in 1995 about 12 years old and watching it for Gillian Anderson was fun. 
Thank you so much for joining me on todays support session on Eating Disorders & Recovery!
Question of the day:
Very briefly, I would everyone like to sharing our diagnosis/disorder so we can be empathetic to the needs of all of the room. Feel free not to participate, but also know that there are people here to support you <3
Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions
@Anomalia @Juniter @sujaypai @dancingrainbow45 @impartialplane
@Laraland I'm not officially diagnosed (no one knows other than my boyfriend yet.) But I have trouble eating. I guess you could call it anorexia. I have no desire to eat and more often then not skip meals and/or don't eat for several days. I do not have a obsession over my weight though (I try to avoid weighing because when I see how much I weigh it makes me feel fat and want to lose even more weight) so I'm not sure exactly if it would be counted as anorexia, but that's the only one I can think of that sounds close.
@Allycata thank you for sharing this so honestly! I'm sorry that you're having struggles with eating. You say you're not diagnosed yet, what would an official diagnose mean to you? And if it would or wouldn't be called anorexia, what would the difference feel like?
@Laraland I suppose an official diagnosis would be nice, so I know what my problem is. At the same time though, it would make me really uncomfortable, because I do know what my problem is, and I promised myself that if I ever found out exactly what my problem is I would tell my family. I would be okay with it being anorexia, because i have a friend who was anorexic and I'm sure he'd help me get better. If it isn't anorexia then it depends on what it is as to how I feel about it
@Allycata seems like this really has two sides for you. You'd like to know what is exactly going on, but it would also be confronting.
@Laraland exactly!
@Laraland - I never received a formal diagnosis, but am currently in recovery from EDNOS which in my time struggling shifted between restricting, purging, binging, and over-exercising each at different points. So I supposed I've seen a bit of all sides of it!
@Anomalia I recognise this too. I found it very frustrating that I didn't get a fixed label because it shifted so much. How did you deal with that?
@Laraland - Over time, having a label became less important to me, or at least around people who understood eating disorders. I found that people in my support group, etc., never needed a label for me to be able to support, empathize, relate, etc. It was most annoying when I opened up to people who didn't have ED experience becaue many of them jump right to wanting to know what eating disorder and I didn't always want to go into a full explanation. Usually I just stuck with "it's morphed a lot over the years between different symptoms" and moved on. I think what helped most to get comfortable without a label was when I started to truly believe what I always tell others - it doesn't matter if you're "sick enough" or if you're "officially X" - if it's getting in the way of your life, it's a real problem and it warrants help, no matter what.
My diagnosis is EDNOS.
@LittleLotte thank you for sharing! I've struggled with and recovered from EDNOS myself some years ago.
Would you like to share how you've been experiencing it?
@Laraland I've had EDNOS for many years and it goes up and down, usually depending on my overall mood. It ranges from extreme restriction to binging/purging.
@Laraland
I am late!!! 
Answer 1: I enjoy playing the ukulele when I feel down, or drained! It's a form of self-care since It uplifts my mood and lightens me up! Just wiggling to the strums makes me feel so energetic and Happy!
Answer 2: I struggle with EDNOS. and have been struggling for the past 6 years.
To those struggling with an Eating disorder, know you are not alone. 
We are in this together, it's a tough and bumpy road, but that there will be turns towards better and brighter paths.
@Leoneedsupport10 thank you for your kind words! You're not that late ;)
playing music is a fantastic and healing way of taking care of ourselves and expressing our emotions in a healthy way. Awesome!
Sorry to hear you've been struggling with EDNOS, you're not alone here with that and I wish you all the strength and support you need :)
Thank you all for your participation! You're doing great so far, supporting each other and opening up. Today's question is:
What does recovery mean to you? Is it, for example, physical, emotional, spiritual?
Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions
@Anomalia @Juniter @sujaypai @dancingrainbow45 @impartialplane @Leoneedsupport10 @Allycata @TheAsh @Snowflake321 @Laraland
@Laraland - To me, recovery means being able to live life without the crushing ED voice weighing me down. It's partially physical - having the strength and energy to do the things that are important to me, partly emotional - being able to express my emotions more openly and honestly and dealing with them as they arise instead of burying them, partly social - holding onto my relationships instead of losing them because of my inability to be honest or to prioritize a friendship over my body, and general encompasses all parts of my life. In short, I guess recovery is life-changing, in all the best ways. :)
@Laraland
In one line, Recovery means getting my life back.
Year after year, more struggles, more days of sobbing, more times where my anxiety and depression get the best of me, and where have they all initiated from? You guessed it, my eating disorder.
I remember getting up each day, and letting the number on the scale define my mood, the lower it was, the happier I would be, the higher it was, the more suicidal ideation I would have, the more isolated I would become, the more insecure I would feel. That value defined me, and still continues to define me.
Recovery in a mental sense would mean being free from those draining thoughts that would silence my healthy inner true voice. Recovery would mean not having to keep myself locked in my comfort zone, avoiding each and everyone around me.
In a physical sense, my vitamin and iron deficiency would gradually restore and recovery, my fatigue and headaches would vanish! I would feel strong, and healthier, if I ever got to that stage that is.
Recovery means restoring those relationships I had previously, recovery means getting a chance to explore the world I have missed out on for a good chunk of my life... 
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, recovery would give me the chance to help others recover, by sharing my yet to be earned experience of recovering for a life consuming ED.
Lol I just thought - How many times did I say recovery in this hehe!
@Leoneedsupport10 8 times! And right you are, the theme IS recovery after all ;)
You really wrote a beautiful and open-hearted text here.
Seems like it's either the eating disorder or your life. I can picture that well.
You say you let your weight define your mood to an extreme.
You experienced physical drawbacks from the constant lack of nutritients.
You're talking about draining thoughts, about not being able to step outside of your comfort zone, about isolating yourself.
Recovery would open up such a great world for you, in which you play a meaningful part. That is beautiful! You sound very hopeful. Keep it up <3
Thank you all for participating! Here's today's question, building upon yesterday's:
What makes you want to choose recovery?
Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions
@Anomalia @Juniter @sujaypai @dancingrainbow45 @impartialplane @Leoneedsupport10 @Allycata @TheAsh @Snowflake321 @Laraland
@Laraland - Great question! When I first started my recovery, it really came down to realizing that even though I wasn't convinced that recovery would actually make me any happier, I knew that ultimately my eating disorder wasn't working to do that, either. So my choice was stick with the eating disorder which I knew was destroying me and would never let me be happy or try something new that might or might not work, but at least there was a chance.
Now, a few years in, I continue to choose recovery because I've seen all that I have gained from it. There are days I'm not super happy with my body (but then, with my ED, every day was one of those days), but I am now able to go out with friends and enjoy myself, concentrate on the things I care about, dance without feeling dizzy, bake for my friends and enjoy the rewards myself, and so much more. It's given me my life and my relationships back and I can't imagine letting all that go again.
@Laraland
This is a difficult question for me to answer, because its been years with this eating disorder, and its become normal for me- If I try to look back when I was free from it, its not like life was any happier, I hated my childhood, and to cope with all the insecurities, I developed this eating disorder which spiraled out of control. So in all honesty, I dont know why I would choose recovery…
I did list down things that I would get out of recovery, but looking at the process, it just seems impossible to go over. I have no support in real life, and thus I have no one to guide me, I have no idea where to start, when it ends. I only know that recovering is never complete, residues of your eating disorder will always remain (Fixed mindset right here).
I appreciate everyone who has been able to recovery, because they are strong souls!! EDNOS has not only brought me fear of gaining weight, but has also made my life this huge depressive quick sand, in which I am sinking real quick, and each time I try to come out, I just go in deeper. I know recovery is possible, but the question is- Do I really want to recover? I look at myself sometimes and ask myself, If I had access to support, would I really reach out for it? I don't mean to sound pessimistic but I am going through one of those "Moments" again. I do wish I was able to jump to the end of recovery without having to go through the struggles of recovering, it's not about the weight, it's about my thoughts, silencing the thoughts coming from the disorder itself.
So, at this very moment, I don't choose recovery.
@Leoneedsupport10 I am so sorry to hear that this has been such a lonely struggle for you, and that recovery seems too far away to choose it right now. Thank you for open-heartedly sharing your struggles and feelings on this subject. It can be extremely scary and difficult to choose recovery, an eating disorder can strangely give us a feeling of security and control. We really do need support to be able to let that go.
Alright, you are all doing great! Some of you already answered this question, some didn't yet - today's question is:
What makes you continue to choose recovery?
Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions
@Anomalia @Juniter @sujaypai @dancingrainbow45 @impartialplane @Leoneedsupport10 @Allycata @TheAsh @Snowflake321 @Laraland
Seems the questions of the last two days were a bit too similar, sorry for the confusion. But you've al been doing great, opening up and being supportive of each other. Join me for today's question:
When you are trying to recover from an eating disorder it can often feel impossible. Do you feel like you have enough support right now?
Please fill this form if you would like to be tagged in future ED forum Discussions
@Anomalia @Juniter @sujaypai @dancingrainbow45 @impartialplane @Leoneedsupport10 @Allycata @TheAsh @Snowflake321 @Laraland @dancingRainbow45
@Laraland - That's an interesting question and I would say yes and no. I don't have a lot of active support right now, which would be helpful, but I'm also in a place where I don't need active support in the way I used to. And, though I am bad at reaching out for it, I do know that I have support around me if I am willing to ask. So I suppose, yes, I have the support I need, even if at times it would be nice for it to be a bit more active without me having to ask. :)
@Anomalia Hey, it's great to hear that you can get by on less support than you used to need, and that people are there for you if you need them and reach out! What exactly could these people do to be there for you more actively?
@Laraland - Someone in one of my support groups once told me that they view the times that things are going well as equally important to stay up on their recovery toolkit - to practice those skills so that when they need them, they're ready. I think to me, it's similar here. I am doing quite well and have healthy eating patterns now, but that doesn't mean there aren't days that are tough or periods that are stressful, and I think that one really helpful thing for me in maintaining my recovery is feeling like I have a space to talk about it. So to me, active support would mean periodically checking in and asking how things are going with recovery - even when it seems like all is going well - and remembering that even if it all looks okay, it doesn't mean there's not something stirring beneath the surface.
@Laraland. Honestly? No. My boyfriend has been doing a great job of supporting me, but my family has a tendency to accidentally make things worse, especially when it comes to my eating disorder and self harm problem. Although that is partially my fault because I haven't directly told them about my problems
@Allycata
Good to hear that your boyfriend is there for you!
I'm sorry that you haven't been supported enough by your family. I can imagine that it's really difficult when they react in a way that doesn't help you at all. What stops you from talking about your problems and worries to them?
@Laraland my parents, well, my dad particularly, believe that eating disorders, self harm, anxiety, and depression are all just ways of seeking attention and not legitimate problems. Don't get me wrong, they're fantastic parents, but they don't understand. And while I could reach out to my older sister, she is away at college and I would hate to bug her about it while she's already got so much going on.
@Allycata I am sorry to hear that your parents don't really understand what your eating disorder and self harm is about. It must be difficult to reach out to them and only get to hear it's attention-seeking. (And even if it is: it's perfectly normal to need and want attention. Nobody can go through life ignored!)
Your sister has a lot going on while being away at college, you say, so it's not so easy to reach out to her. How was your relationship before?
@Laraland I'm sorry, I never got the notification that you replied. My relationship with my sister was for the most part good, we fought a lot but we both knew that despite all of our fighting we'd be there for each other. We pulled a lot of pranks on our parents, which was how we bonded, and when me, her, and her boyfriend would go out to spend the day away from our parents we all always had a lot of fun. Since she left we don't get many days like that anymore which means our only form of communication that my parents can't eavesdrop on is texting, and considering my parents won't let me have an account anywhere without them knowing the password they could still go in and see our messages
@Allycata Dont worry about it - sometimes it can be really unclear what the new replies are in a forum!
I'm glad to hear you bonded well with your sister through pranks and sisterly fighting. It's logical that you don't see each other as much now she moved away, but I imagine it can be hard on the relationship.
Sounds like your parents don't really allow you social media privacy, how do you feel about that?
@Laraland it can be pretty annoying at times, but I understand they're just trying to watch out for me, still though, it does get upsetting that they don't trust me enough to manage a couple accounts on my own. It would be nice if they understood that while I will mess up sometimes, I am not the type to share innaproriate photos, do drugs, drink alcohol before it's legal, or any other things that follow such lines. They don't even trust me to spend time with my boyfriend without an adult watching us very closely and yelling at us anytime I lay my head on his shoulder or he sets his hand on my knee, even when we're in church these rules apply and it can get very tiring
@Allycata Sorry I haven't been able to respond earlier.
I can imagine it's frustrating that, even though you don't feel you did anything to deceiver their trust, they don't give you the opportunity to show that you're able to make your own responsible decisions.
If you could say one thing to them now, what would it be?
@Laraland. One thing... That's tough lol. Probably "step up your game" to be honest, because unfortunately all my problems can't be summarised with one sentence, but then they would ask me what I meant in which case I would have an opening to explain everything
