Tired and venting - trigger warning
I am tired of fighting with Bulimia . When I get tired of Bulimia, I switch to Anoxera to combat the purging and weight gain. There are times, I will go to school cafeteria and pick up food . Just so people see me and think I am eating only to throw it out after I am out of site.
Right now , I am so tempted to just stop all the support , I have and just go with the flow of the ED. This ED is killing me in more ways then one.
Another thing I have been wanting to do is falsify my recovery record documenting. So that my Therpaist wont know what is happening. Because then she will worry again and I dont like people to worry about me. I just want to be happy and left alone with my ed.
Hi @MsPetra. I totally get this! I just wanna follow my ED-voices and be left alone. I don't wanna recover anymore. I'm just so tired of fighting and just wanna go with the flow. I don't though. I still fight, even though the system doesn't wanna helps me. Which is the main reason why I wanna give up.
Just take time to appreciate that someone wanna help you. That's not something we all get.
I myself am anorexic (-ish, I purge and binge too, but mostly I restrict), but nobody wants to help me bc I'm not skinny enough (yet). But when I get skinny enough to get help I'm pretty sure I don't want help. So that's mostly what I'm fighting; wanting to recover but can't get any help.
Please stop before you hurt yourself...BADLY. I threw up blood two weeks ago and THAT WAS IT. God made blood red for a reason and it's to give a warning that enough is enough, in my case. Please don't let that happen to you. I don't know any of you but love you as fellow human travellers of life and we all know it gets tough and sad and tiring. But where there is a yin there's a yang...there is easier and happy and energentic, too! Chase that...join me and quit chasing the bad stuff.