Lost weight and bingeing now
Hi, I'm a male and I have an eating disorder too.
To cut a long story short, I started losing weight about a year and a half ago through exercise and dieting. I lost around 30kg in the span of 7 months and I continued to lose further on even when I hit a healthy weight until I was just borderline underweight.
I have always felt uncomfortable with my body and I quite hated my large tummy and fat deposits when I was fat and always desired a flat belly. When I was borderline underweight, my parents were worried and they always mentioned that I looked too thin, like a drug addict and they said that other people were worried that they were not taking care of me well.
Back when I was overweight, they used to criticise me for being fat and chided me whenever I smacked just a little. Well, I managed to withstand their pressure to put on weight (after all borderline underweight is just 1kg less and I felt that their descriptions were rather exaggerated). I managed to maintain my weight for around 9 months.
Then I went on a holiday three months back. I have always told myself after losing weight that if I wanted to eat anything I want, I could probably do so as I had excess capacity, being not overweight. However, I knew that that would probably result in me gaining back the weight I had lost and I didn't want that to happen.
However, during this holiday, I saw many rare snacks which couldn't be found in my country. Coupled with the parental pressure to gain we
Gain weight and my large allowance for desserts (being thin now), I decided to buy a whole load of snacks and consumed all of them when I returned home.
I thought that that would only be an isolated incident but it seemed that when I had allowed myself to binge on those snacks after restricting myself from them for over a year, it sort of opened the floodgates to binge.
I tried to stop but I couldn't and all this while, my parents encouraged me to eat even more to gain weight. I told them that it was not a healthy way for me to gain weight and asked them to stop me if possible but they were just concerned with me gaining weight back to standards which they'd considered acceptable.
I didn't really want to because I desired the flat belly at my previous weight but I couldn't help myself. So in 3 months I gained 10kg and am at the higher acceptable bmI level now. I know that if I continue this, I will continue to gain weight and even become overweight but it's so difficult to stop.
At the same time I have problems talking to other people which frustrates me and might be triggering my binge eating. I didn't have many friends therefore I tried to lose weight to look better but doesn't change anything.
@x264
it would seem that your parents are very critical - when you were overweight they criticized you and when you lost weight they also criticized you. Sometimes eating is a way for rewading oneself when one is not getting enough positive feedbacjk from ones parents. There are a lot of resources on site and in the forums that can help you. Dont feel guilty and dont feel shame that you have gained some weight - it happened and deal with the new reality. Feeling guilty will only make your getting back to a good track more difficult