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guilt (please tell me i'm not alone)

alittlewanderer October 8th, 2019

three numbers rule my life, and i despise it. i wish there were only two.

they have been ticking upwards recently, and yet i can't resist the urge to eat, to eat and eat more like a monster, a slob shoveling calorie after calorie into her mouth without any willpower.

...when i describe myself like that it sounds like a monster.

i hate myself, and at times i catch myself wishing that i could sew my mouth shut with a single thread so i would never have to open my massive mouth again. i wish i could cut off all the parts of me i don't like and reassemble myself into something pretty, something...smaller...

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BlueFig118 October 8th, 2019

@alittlewanderer

don't worry, you're not alone. i relate to this a lot.

2 replies
aleseritts October 12th, 2019

@BlueFig118

alittlewanderer OP October 12th, 2019

@BlueFig118

thanks, that means a lot

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BaileyKF October 11th, 2019

@alittlewanderer No you are not alone. I saw the word "guilt" and I felt it in my bones. This word, this feeling, I experience it everyday..

1 reply
alittlewanderer OP October 12th, 2019

@BaileyKF

yeah, it's pretty awful, isn't it? it makes me feel so heavy and sad and big

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feelitinyourbones October 12th, 2019

Well ok, ypu are not alone...

I have two addictions, alcohol and tobacco...if I am denied them I turn to binge eating...

I choose to eat...my metabolism accepts eating so I go binge eating for emotional confort...all I seek is emotional well being yet we never get it do we?

1 reply
alittlewanderer OP October 12th, 2019

@feelitinyourbones

"we never get it, do we?"

yeah...

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intuitiveWheel3994 October 12th, 2019

@alittlewanderer

its a horrible feeling what you're going through and I'm so incredibly sorry you have to deal with that. I can relate to your feelings of guilt and regret after overeating or simply eating something "bad" for me.. something I think almost all of us have felt at one time in our lives. I know it sounds so much easier said than done...but try to eat with mindfulness, maybe try setting up a meal plan for yourself, even if you stray away from it a bit..and allow yourself to indulge! I used to find my overeating came after I tried to restrict myself from all things bad rather than just eating the cookie lol and really savouring it, really enjoying it. I also find I feel less guilt if I put the effort into my meals...it's very rewarding to cook a nice dish, find the recipe buy the groceries and then properly enjoy it rather than quick takeout options...

I don't know if struggling with weight and eating habits ever go away but we can learn ways to cope...

Just please always remember at the end of the day those 3 numbers Do. Not. Define. You.
They don't define any of us. There's so many DIFFERENT types of beauty in this world and you are one of them.

ks41375 January 23rd, 2020

@alittlewanderer

ks41375 January 23rd, 2020

@alittlewanderer I haven't related to anything more deeply in a loooooong time crying

1 reply
alittlewanderer OP January 23rd, 2020

@ks41375

it's nice to hear that you get it too <3

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Jewelmoon17 January 29th, 2020

@alittlewanderer I feel you. I wish I can be smaller too. So I can fit into clothes that I like to wear. I wish I could stick to a diet scheme but I am always stress eating.

Bert1111111 January 29th, 2020

@alittlewanderer

You are not alone. When I think I'm hungry or just want to eat I try to work on a craft project. I love diamond painting. It keeps my mind off food for a while. You're brave and strong. Keep working at it.