guilt (please tell me i'm not alone)
three numbers rule my life, and i despise it. i wish there were only two.
they have been ticking upwards recently, and yet i can't resist the urge to eat, to eat and eat more like a monster, a slob shoveling calorie after calorie into her mouth without any willpower.
...when i describe myself like that it sounds like a monster.
i hate myself, and at times i catch myself wishing that i could sew my mouth shut with a single thread so i would never have to open my massive mouth again. i wish i could cut off all the parts of me i don't like and reassemble myself into something pretty, something...smaller...
@alittlewanderer
don't worry, you're not alone. i relate to this a lot.
@BlueFig118
@BlueFig118
thanks, that means a lot
@alittlewanderer No you are not alone. I saw the word "guilt" and I felt it in my bones. This word, this feeling, I experience it everyday..
@BaileyKF
yeah, it's pretty awful, isn't it? it makes me feel so heavy and sad and big
Well ok, ypu are not alone...
I have two addictions, alcohol and tobacco...if I am denied them I turn to binge eating...
I choose to eat...my metabolism accepts eating so I go binge eating for emotional confort...all I seek is emotional well being yet we never get it do we?
@feelitinyourbones
"we never get it, do we?"
yeah...
@alittlewanderer
its a horrible feeling what you're going through and I'm so incredibly sorry you have to deal with that. I can relate to your feelings of guilt and regret after overeating or simply eating something "bad" for me.. something I think almost all of us have felt at one time in our lives. I know it sounds so much easier said than done...but try to eat with mindfulness, maybe try setting up a meal plan for yourself, even if you stray away from it a bit..and allow yourself to indulge! I used to find my overeating came after I tried to restrict myself from all things bad rather than just eating the cookie lol and really savouring it, really enjoying it. I also find I feel less guilt if I put the effort into my meals...it's very rewarding to cook a nice dish, find the recipe buy the groceries and then properly enjoy it rather than quick takeout options...
I don't know if struggling with weight and eating habits ever go away but we can learn ways to cope...
Just please always remember at the end of the day those 3 numbers Do. Not. Define. You.
They don't define any of us. There's so many DIFFERENT types of beauty in this world and you are one of them.
@alittlewanderer
@alittlewanderer I haven't related to anything more deeply in a loooooong time 
@ks41375
it's nice to hear that you get it too <3
@alittlewanderer I feel you. I wish I can be smaller too. So I can fit into clothes that I like to wear. I wish I could stick to a diet scheme but I am always stress eating.
@alittlewanderer
You are not alone. When I think I'm hungry or just want to eat I try to work on a craft project. I love diamond painting. It keeps my mind off food for a while. You're brave and strong. Keep working at it.
