Unsure what to do
i know this may not be the best place and i apologize in advance.
tw: eating disorders, suicide, abuse, self harm
i cant do this anymore. i’m so tired of trying. My mom keeps saying i’m eating to ,much and to much unhealthy things when i was trying to repair my relationship with food, i was eating about 500 calories a day which feels like to much even though i was supposed to be eating 1900 for my weight. she keeps joking and saying i’m chubby even when she knows thats a huge insecurity for me and that i was bearely eating before she told me to stop. i havent eaten in 3 days because i dont deserve it, i keep working out because i need to lose weight or else she or no one else will ever love me. theres a razor in my drawer and it would just be so easy, my dad has been telling me its better for everyone if i were to kiII myself since 4th grade. i try to reach out to people but no one ever responds, so i would just cut and cut no cut until i go pale from blood loss but its only ever momentary i feel good, i want to keep being happy. theres nothing for me to live for. he told me its better for everyone, i’m being selfish if i dont do it because then its one less person for my parents and friends to have to worry about. i just want everything to be over. i just want to make everyone happy..i cant take this anymore
@weeweeonion
Hey you don't have to apologize . Such heavy feelings and thoughts can really be benefitted with a let out , I am so happy you shared here .
I don't know the best words to put this so I will say it as it is , please know this is out of care for a fellow human who in who's place i have been and still am more days than others .
The people around you who make you feel so bad and worthless only because of your physical appearance DO NOT deserve you a single bit , I don't care if they are your parents , they don't have any right to make you feel so . It is terrible what they say and how they make you feel.
I don't know when but some day in future will really be better, please remove yourself from these toxic people, no don't take away your chance at life for what others say .
You are more than just your weight and how you look ! You are a creation of God and if they have a problem with it , well it is not your fault. It is in their eyes, in their mindset , their pathetic thoughts , words , intentions need to end ....not your life .
If you're really struggling with these thoughts strongly, please do reach out to a crisis line , 7cups.com/crisis or any local emergency helpline . Be your own saviour and realise , you are your OWN person , don't let anyone else demean you in anyways. You are worthy of so much love and support . ❤