No More Food
TRIGGER WARNING
So lately I've been wanting to starve myself. Not eat at all. I've managed to cut it down to only eating a small lunch and dinner. But I want to go further.
I've been upset with my body for a long time. I've always felt tall and clumsy and disgusting. Always have wanted to lose weight. Be skinnier.
I don't believe people when they say that I'm normal or skinny.
I want to be smaller.
And now I'm determined. No more eating.
I'm just wondering if that's even an eating disorder though. Like I lack so much self control. And I don't really ever exercise. I just want to starve myself. Maybe soon I'll start exercising...
@decisiveVase00 Hello there! It seems that you are really, really determined to control your body image. Mhm, but maybe you want to talk to a professional about this...
I'm not sure that I made myself clear. And I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling.
I just know that I want to stop eating because it punishes.
I know that eating nothing can just end up making you fatter. But honestly I don't even care. The sight of food disgusts me. I don't want to eat anymore.
@decisiveVase00 Honestly I can relate, and I haven't really gotten a soulution for these feelings yet, either...I mean I've been doing better by trying this thing where I pretend my body isn't mine, it's someone elses and I'm just looking after it for awhile. So I kind of guilt myself into takeing care of 'my' body. Like, Treating others things with respect and trying to give it the best care possible, Almost like a friend went away on vacation and asked you to take care of their pet cat or dog while they were gone...
It helps to some extent, and at the very least makes it easier to justify my force feeding myself. And hell, it pretty much makes self harm a hella'v a lot harder. TvT;
@SelfDestructiveReconstruction - I love that tactic - I used to do something very similar with mean thoughts. It's so much easier to say hateful things to yourself than someone else, so I've found that when I'm being especially hard on myself, it's easier to think about what I would say if it was a friend who was in this situation and how I would treat them. I love this as an extension of that idea - treat your body as though it's a friend, too.
Thanks for sharing your trick, and I hope that with time it gets easier for you to take care of yourself for you and not just for a friend. :)
@decisiveVase00
That is possible for a while but to be fair, I would take a look at the possible consequences of this approach. You can get sick to the point where you may not be able to make decisions on your own body. After that you can really lose control of the situation and the way you would look. I hope you take a healthier approach that would help you thrive and look and feel your best!:)
