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SelfDestructiveReconstruction
285 M Embraced 2
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceAugust 6, 2016
Bio
I have a lot of problems, but at least I can say that I’m trying.
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I don't want to exsist
Depression Support / by SelfDestructiveReconstruction
Last post
 August 18th, 2016
...See more Hello! This is my first thread on here. :) I have Major Depressive Disorder, and I've been hospitalized for it recently. It's been a little while since I got out, and the medications they put me on don't really seem to be working. Or at least not to the extent I was hopeing for. I understand you need to be patient with these things, as these meds are literally repairing your brain to an extent, but...I fear this is the best it will get. Like I'll always have this depression to worry about and hate myself. I've recently been taken to lots of different therapists, but I don't feel like starting over with a new one after being with one who I like for over a year. It feels like it isn't even worth it. And whenever I try to talk, I feel like I'm talking way too much, like my words don't matter. They just annoy everyone around me. I don't know what to think or do, all I've BEEN doing is throwing everything I have into work, and when I'm off work throwing my life away with harmful activities, like bingeing on sweets then starving myself for days, or hurting myself by not taking medication. (Never the antidepressant, that I take religiously. I mean meds that act as pain killers.) I'm slowly isolating myself from everyone who wants to help, and it feels like this is my first attempt at really reaching out in awhile. Caring for myself feels selfish, and unproductive. Like it's a waste of time and effort. How can I begin to take better care of myself without being overwhelmed with guilt?
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