How should a parent be when you're weighed?

I personally, not a therapist, not a doctor, and heck, not even a parent, but I don't think any comment should be made unless the person being weighed requests feedback. You can request feedback as a parent from the doctor out of earshot of the person being weighed and, regardless of the feedback, put as positive of a spin on it without addressing the weight specifically. Sort of a "Well, we have more work to do, but you are doing great today. Doctor was happy with everything he/she saw"

If the child says "including weight" you can say "yup, they saw progress there" or "Eh, we may have some work to do there, but Rome wasn't built in a day. I am just so glad we are here and you are trying your best."

Just positive positive positive. Any person that is focused on some sort of recovery is already overwhelmed to their bone with negative. They don't need to hear it from their parent. Support support, positive positive!!

Turquouise, I do not know you, and I am the furthest thing away from an expert on eating disorders. It is listed on my list of expertise but as I said, only as I continually fight overeating. But you are not anorexic. You are Patty, or Jennifer, or whatever your name might be, and right now, you are working through a challenging condition of anorexia. It does not define you. It does not make up your spirit, your ability to love, or show compassion.

I just want you to know that I am pulling for you. Take care!!

My apologies. Anyway, feel free to give me a shout. We can talk all you want about this and other wonderful things. Take care. You are doing a great job if you are asking these sorts of questions.

@TurquoiseTree - As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder (EDNOS, but at times it looked a lot like anorexia, and at times a lot like bulimia), I think specific comments about weight should be avoided. Instead, as @Pickles68 said, focus on encouragement, but keep it away from weight. Below are some of my key tips to helping your child through this:

- Be proud of steps your child is making, even if they are small.

- Try to understand that setbacks are a natural part of recovery - it's very two steps forward, one step back - and support your child through them, rather than making them feel guilty.

- Remember that even if they are unable to eat dinner today, that doesn't undo all the progress and all the meals they've eaten before or the ones they will eat later.

- Focus less on weight they are gaining and more on the things they are able to do because of their progress - the increased strength, the energy to do something they used to love, the ability to share in a meal with people they love, etc.

- Make sure they know that you are always willing to talk, if they need to, but also respect when they aren't able to at the moment.

- Don't only talk about their eating disorder with them - they are still your child and still have lots of loves, hates, interests, passions, and everything about them they had before. Recovery is exhausting, and sometimes the most helpful thing is to just do something fun and not think about it for a little while.

- Understand that your love alone cannot heal them. You can do a lot to support them through this and can offer so much, but at the end of the day, this is something they have to do the work on to recover for real.

- Remember that the not eating is a symptom, not the disease. Weight restoration is an important step to being physically healthy, but even when the weight is back on, your child might not be completely healed. Help them continue to get support even after they look healthy.

- It's impossible to 100% understand without having been there, but the more you read, particularly things written by people who are or have suffered from an eating disorder, the more the way your child is behaving and reacting to things will make sense.

- Similarly, sometimes with an eating disorder, it's hard to 100% understand how you're feeling. If your child is open to it, explore support groups or other resources where they can talk to people who are in the same place or have been there. I found talking to people who truly understood where I was at to be an enormous relief and that listening to them helped me put into words how I was feeling

- Remember that this is not your fault. You clearly love and care for your child and want to support them and are doing an excellent job. It won't be easy and it will hurt, but you can get through this. And remember to take care of yourself, too. Reach out for the support that you need and don't lose yourself in your child's recovery.

If you ever want to chat more, feel free to reach out to me - I'm always happy to help support or to answer questions to the best of my ability based on my own personal experience. Take care

Parents need to make it clear to their child that they will encourage and support their child through recovery. Parents should probably ask therapists privately about the weight. And children should know that their parents only want to help them.

You are doing a great job !!