Accepting weight gain in recovery
I know that I was sick and much too thin but I also felt safer when there was less of me. It made me feel like I could hide and go unnoticed. The last few months I have been working to get myself back to a healthy weight. The problem is everytime someone tells me how amazing and healthy I look I feel like I've failed. The more weight I gain for my body's health it feels like my brain is struggling more than ever. I don't know how to be me without anorexia, but I also know living with it any longer is starting to approach a point where it could be a death sentence. Recovery needs to happen just my mind is fighting it so hard even though logically I know the number on the scale is still not at my healthy weight goal. Does anyone have tips on how to make peace with recovery weight gain?
@unbrokenhearts - I can absolutely relate to what you said, and I think one of the hardest parts of recovery at the beginning is the war where you feel constantly like you're either failing at the eating disorder or failing at recovery. One thing that helped me a lot was to think about all the things that the weight meant in a positive way - for instance, when I gained weight, my legs got stronger and I could go dancing with my friends without getting light headed. My hips were a little bigger and arms stronger, which made it easier to hold my baby cousin. Giving my body nourishment also gave my brain nourishment so I could actually concentrate and remember things. Being able to eat again gave me so many new opportunities to spend time with friends.
What are the things that you're looking forward to in recovery besides just not being on death's doorstep? Not just the "not a bad thing anymore" but the actual good things you get, too?
@unbrokenhearts
Funny that, to me I thought the hardest part would be gaining weight, but no, it's not wanting to lose it. I guess you just have to get into a frame of mind where you know how dangerous this is. This works for me sometimes but oftentimes it's avoiding mirrors and weighgscales if you're feeling bad. Hope this helps x
