Pain and relationships. How do you cope?
I have ME/CFS and Fibro. I'm constantly in so much pain and I'm in a particularly bad spell now. It starts to really mess with me mentally and emotionally. I find that I'm so so upset at the people closest to me for the silliest things and I have to try and remind myself that it's just the pain talking.
It's getting particularly rough with my partner. She's a very busy person and not in the best health herself. It's so hard to make time for each other and I find myself getting irrationally upset and unhappy even though I know it's not her fault.
I was wondering how the rest of you cope with pain and relationships. How honest are you with your friends, families, partners, etc about how you're really holding up emotionally or when you find yourself getting upset? I'm so tired of the strain it's putting on all of my relationships. How do you all deal with your feelings when pain and limitations are constantly pushing them to the limits?
I have definitely taken some things out on my partner when the bigger issues were really related to my symptoms. I think it helps to apologize and acknowledge that. I also try to express my emotions at the big things, this can prevent the little things my husband does that irritate me from getting the response due to all of the issues. So basically allowing myself to be upset or angry visibly about feeling sick, plus saying that to him before I end up getting angry at something he has done.
In terms of being less sad/angry/frustrated with being sick that's been longer term. Besides managing the actual illnesses better I have found things that I can do and enjoy. Plus I've just altered my lifestyle to work better with my illnesses. It's not what I would want for a lifestyle if I were healthy, but I think it beats attempting to maintain a healthy lifestyle with the illnesses that I have. This way my expections fit much better with what I can actually manage.
@MarchMint
I am still to work out how to manage this, it is very hard when you are in pain not to get frustrated with everyone else around you, espeically those you love. The main thing I've had to work out how to do is to remember that they are going through their own problems and you need to stop and think before you just react :). By no means a perfect solution but it's saved me from being a complete arse multiple times. Sometimes its just better to shut up and swallow what you were going to say until you feel a little more able to deal with it.
I am wishing you the best, ME is horrible and being so exhausted and in pain all the time sounds like alot at once <3.
For me, it's a bit different cause my gf is the image of perfect health, but I try to plan out things we can both do. Even when I'm in pain movies, cuddling, and ice cream (even if I can't stomach it having it there as an option is cute) are always great things to do. Or doing face masks together. She can do all the "heavy lifting", setting it up and washing my face after, but while waiting we can talk and be together. Not sure if this helped, but if it did radical!
@MarchMint instead of boiling up think was would be really soothing. Why not suggest a calming pass time
@MarchMint
Oh, it must be very tough for you. 7cups is awesome site where you can get much needed emotional support when you need it. Is there in your location any support group, disability organization or something else which deals with your condition? You might be able to get support there.