Survivor to Caregiver and Caregiver to Survivor

Survivor says to caregiver:

I appreciate you and your support

I need fewer distractions in order to focus

No radio and less talking while driving

Please dont interrupt me when Im focused on one thing; multitasking is difficult

Ask me what distracts me

Use direct straightforward language; figurative language is challenging for me to understand; make sure I understand who your pronouns refer to

Do not over or underestimate what I am able to do

Please take me seriously!

Help me recognize when I need help AND listen to me when I say I need help

(Doctors, therapists, counselors, mediators, etc)

Im at higher risk for mental and emotional issues, please be aware of the signs that I might need help:

Secluding and isolating myself

Speaking faster, using more expletives than usual

Aggression

Anything that seems unusual for me might be a sign; check in with me

Respond by listening to me, being non-judgmental, giving me your attention, being genuine, not pushing me to talk if Im not ready

Dont compare me to others; I am a unique individual and my experiences are unique; help me reach my potential

Remember that I dont always mean what I say; I dont mean to offend you

Sometimes I just need to let my feelings out

Watch for signs that Im overstimulated

Rocking, covering my eyes, signs that Im tired, like yawning etc

My emotional reactions may not be the same as yours

My behavior/body language does not always indicate my feelings

Caregiver says to Survivor:

Focus on today

Focus on the positives

TBI/ABI affects the whole family

I have questions because I want to understand

Remember Im human and I make mistakes, too. This experience is new to me too, please be patient with me.

Reminding you to use your filter or other cues is one way I try to help you

I understand youre overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed too.

I need to take care of myself so I can support you

Other possible categories:

Survivor to survivor

You are fabulous! You have made it this far!

You will get through this

You can accomplish so much. You are empowered.

Your injury is not an end-all.

Use the strategies you have already:

in new situations to continue improving

Keep using those strategies that work for you

Writing things down to help remember them and to help organize your thoughts

Meditation

Use calendars and reminders on your smartphone

Set up reminders in your email

Talk to your caregiver about things youre planning to do

Use them as a resource to help you

You are not alone. You dont have to do this alone.

Keep your eye on the prize. Take it one step at a time or minute by minute.

BREATHE!

Take it slow

Every day is different. Some are better, some are worse.

Others may not understand what youre going through and thats okay

Try to educate others if you want to

No two brain injuries are alike

Ask lots of questions! Sometimes you will have to ask the same question over and over again to different people to get an answer.

Be persistent and persevere!

Caregiver to caregiver (what I wish someone told me)

Patience is key

It will get better

Take time for yourself

Go out with friends

Take a hot bath

Listen to music or read a book

You are not alone; take advantage of whatever support is available including support groups!

Accept help when its offered

Dont be afraid to ask for help

Remember to have fun

Its okay to isolate yourself when you need to

When communication breaks down:

Talk slowly

Walk away and regroup when you need to

Seek out a new perspective on the problem

Everyone gets frustrated in this situation; you are not the first one to get upset

Getting upset is normal! Find an outlet to channel your emotions

Yoga, exercise, running

Reading, listening to music

Sing