My Cane and Dealing with the Treatment of Disabled People
Today I decided not to bring my cane. Off the bat, I know it's a bad decision, but having a mobility aid makes me feel like a societal burden, especially when people ask me "Why?" I don't know why, I can't get a diagnosis as my freedom in my house is limited, I just know that it helps me feel a little better. Having my cane simultaneously makes me feel better and makes me feel like scum. I also wear insoles for my flat feet, but my hips and knees are a whole other animal, as my whole body feels a lot more finnicky than many others' and causes me problems all of the time.
If someone could talk to me about ways to not feel so insecure and unsure about helping myself feel better at all, it would be amazing <3 The most helpful factor for me is that a character from my special interest also uses a mobility aid for a chronic, invisible illness. Figuring out other ways to validate and support my need for using a cane is what I need.
Sorry that most of this was a rant. I just have a lot to get off my chest. Hope you understand.
@kittydragon771
Hi KittyDragon,
This is one of my first times posting in the forums, so I might be a rusty, please bear with me!
I can't imagine how painful it is to have to use a cane. It must be hard very emotionally due to the reactions that you get and how people treat you. I'm really sorry to hear how they are treating you is affecting you. While those are the negative impacts that your cane has, there are also many positive impacts your cane has, and it is up to you to determine if the positive impacts outweigh the negative impacts in using your cane.
Your cane is there to help you. Your cane is not there to belittle you or make you feel less than. Every person on this world has something they are going through or struggling with. Me, for example, I have an anxiety disorder, and PTSD. If someone looked at me, they would never know I had PTSD unless I told them. Your cane is there to help you stay mobile and stay active. It is just one small part of you that makes you the beautiful and wonderful unique person that you are. I'm not here to tell you things to bring you your self-confidence, that is all up to you. I'm just here to tell you the truth and give you the facts.
Sincerely,
CreatingHappiness
this is such a lovely comment, thank you so much! It was a very bad idea not to take it ww, I was tired the entire day, I did end up meeting someone else who used a cane and was like me, it made me very happy. This is exactly what I needed to hear <3
@kittydragon771
I'm glad my comment was something that helped you! If I can suggest, have you considered looking around in your city or area for support groups for those who also use a cane? It could be very helpful and beneficial to talk about it with other people who also understand how you feel as well.
Creatinghappiness
I would look for support groups but there is likely not much to offer from there as I am not able to drive, go to solitary doctor visits, or meet up with people online even if they are in the same town. It's also a fairly small town. I think for now I can get the same effect without the struggle if I stick to online spaces
Sorry for the extremely late reply btw i was contacting a helpline and also in schooling :,)
@kittydragon771
I think your experience shows that many people simply do not mature.
Asking why or making judgement is a childish act IMO.
i see someone with a cane or even walker and think .....good for you ... you are getting out there and doing what you need to or want to without stopping.
It really does not matter why .... there are many possibilities as to why someone may need stability support ..... do people ask everyone with glasses WHY .... what is your vision diagnosis? ........of course not .......... why should a cane or other device make others feel they need to know.
I've had other friends say the same thing and while my rationalizing brain understands that, the pain and embarrassment and upset that being asked why brings is very hard to ignore as i am still unsure why myself or if I even should validate myself being in pain. It's a really hard balance, and most of the people who ask are definitely less mature in that area than myself even though I am one of the younger students in my class year. It's really difficult when I'm shoving all that pain in an already worn box y'know
by the way not at all trying to be rude, i am just expanding on my point of view, but totally agree with you on the fact that it's showing i'm actually a lot more socially aware than many others [melting smile face emoji]
@kittydragon771
you are not being rude at all and you a sharing a valuable point of view..... I hope you find a balance and people simply have zero need to know
Yeah, it can be difficult when others maybe demand a reason why we use an assistive device. Not all diseases or disorders are visible on the body at all, but giving other people power over you with their opinions can definitely suck so much.
For example, my MS makes it so I kind of walk like I'm drunk- it's a balance problem due to a lack of proprioception on one side of my body. So whenever anyone decides to question why I use a cane since I'm fairly young and look healthy enough, I just shrug and remind myself that I don't have to answer if I don't want to. People shouldn't be rewarded for being nosy!
@kittydragon771 Something my former high school Spanish teacher told me before was if I broke my leg and I needed to use crutches I might feel ashamed or embarrassed because I might walk slower but they are they to help. I mean the conversation my Spanish teacher and I had was due to me being ashamed of my learning disability and having to use test accommodations but I think it can pertain to you. They are tools to help you get around.