PPD

@Tozzy I am a first time mom and my son just turned 9 months old. I have ppd also. You are not alone.

@Tozzy Hi Tozzy! Welcome and congratulations on your baby girl! Wow! 6 months! Babies are intensive in terms of needs and care. Congrats on all your hard work! Glad you decided to give 7cups a try. I had severe ppd after I had my son, so I can really relate... He also had some health issues and would wake up screaming a lot, and it just was physically and emotionally challenging.... If you would like, I am sending you tons of hugs, prayers and "you got this," and "you're doing awesome" vibes! The first year can be super hard. Hormones are going wonkers, and the breastfeeding helps with mood stability but it can be challenging to figure out. I think the loss of sleep was enough of a challenge! Hope you are getting some good night rest in!

I had learned all my life to take care of others and thought that motherhood would be so natural for me, but was surprised instead that I had ppd. I never really learned how to be nurturing and loving to myself, and so at the beginning, I found it surprisingly hard to feel attached to my baby and just felt surreal. A lot of the time, I felt like I was trying to behave like a "good mom" should....

I think, what helped me most at the time with depression and self care, was joining a codependency anonymous group where I got to have an hour and a half each week for myself, where I could just keep the focus on me. It ended up that I decided, that it would be like a journey, a re-education --- I would learn with my baby, to not only learn how to love my baby, but also how to love myself. Knowing that I could also learn to take care of myself in all of that intensive 24/7 baby care helped me feel better and more calm and centered.

When the depression was bad, a therapist had me practice cheering myself on and give myself a lot of "that a girl" "you are doing awesome" for the tiniest baby steps. Like really anything - like "Took a shower! Combed my hair! Whoooohoooo you go girl!" I thought at first she was kidding. But she wasn't. Because honestly when depression was bad, I just really wanted to lay there in the bed with the covers over my head and curl up in fetal, so I literally cheered almost any and every effort!

Hang in there, Tozzy! They say the first years last forever! I say that feels true, because we are so sleep deprived and without sleeping a year is a lot longer! lololol Hope you are able to find the support you need here and with your baby! New moms need support! It takes a village! Even if it's a neighbor, just for a little bit of breather. Welcome again!

@Flowingstreams thank you so much for replying. Being a mom is so rewarding but I honestly didn't realize how much of myself I would be giving up. I'm a stay at home mom and my baby is breastfeeding so she is attached to my hip all the time. I have been out without her 5 times at most since she has been born, with most of them being when she was too young to realize that mom wasn't around. Now that she's a little older and knows to miss me I can't even go to the store without her becoming inconsolable. A couple weeks ago I went to the hospital to be with my sister while she was having her baby. I was gone for four hours. Baby had milk and was with her dad (who she loves). By the time I got back they were both so frazzled that I felt insanely guilty. She had cried almost the whole time I was gone. I love taking care of my girl but I wish she would give me a little bit of a break sometimes.

@Tozzy

You sound like a really super amazing mom! It's hard being a mom, and there can be a lot of guilt about wanting "me" time. Society presents motherhood like something that we should be super grateful and always happy about. In reality it sometimes felt overwhelming and engulphing like I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I had never experienced someone who wanted to be physically stuck to me 24/7 if possible. It's like I would go in the shower and try to hose off fast as I could, with my child screaming outside the door. It can be hard in many ways, because it can also feel like losing ownership of our body. First in pregnancy, the body changes, then after birth again, and then our body is needed to produce milk. It can all feel disorienting. You really sound like you are doing such a super duper job of being a mom. I really hope you see that too.

Time spent for oneself is really precious time, and it's so hard for moms not to feel guilty. I can mega relate.... I first felt guilty until I found the more time and self-care I gave to myself, the more present, patient and loving I could be with my son. It also was starting to model boundaries and self care for my child!... Plus, the time baby got to spend with Dad ended up being super bonding and precious for them, and when my husband figured things out, he felt so proud of his special connection with his son. And it also gives dad's a whole new kind of appreciation for moms!

Just wanted to say hang in there and you really are doing so amazing! Keep on sharing. Good days! Challenging days! Days you love that little munchkin and could eat them with a spoon, and days, when your feeling like falling short of mommyhood! We all have them, and no one's perfect :) We hold our moms to such a high high standard, sometimes we forget how tired, hungry, sleep-deprived, self-care deprived of an experience it can be. So we need to cut new moms some slack... And the little ones can't say thank you or express how grateful they are.... so I think we need other mom's to cheer us on! Go Tozzy!

@Flowingstreams ps-you give me some great ideas to try when I'm having a bad day. Thank you.