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masking emotions / feel free to share yourself

Stanlee00 July 29th, 2019

My second creating a forum thread.

I find that I mask how I'm feeling alot. Like how you might hear a story of that really cheery seeming person just snapping out of nowhere and it turns out they had things going on this whole time and it wasn't always sunshine, roses and pastel colours (as an example). I'm not saying I'm all sunshine but that I do actively change my demenour to sometimes the opposite of how I'm feeling.

I could be feeling legitimately depressed/ worried but as soon as another person is in site

queue the...

[jovial smile] "Hey! How's it going. Yeah. Ahuh. Cool. You know I heard about this thing".........

and so on.

When I'm anxious, overthing or being introspective

From the moment another person is near me, DOESN'T MATTER!!

[relaxed exterior] "yo sup"

Anyway, my point being is that a use it as a safety mechanism. I care so much of what other people think of me (I know I shouldn't but it's easier said than done) were I feel as though I always need to act upbeat. I used to have this complex about feeling fake all the time since I would act fine, and if I act fine then everyone will think that way but then I also won't be able to really open up to anyone, at all. I still don't know what to think of it but I wanted to acknowledge it for myself. By joking round I don't have to deal with it in that moment.

I feel like other people out there do this as well.

Penny for your thoughts.

Share if you want to I'm just glad I got that out there.

4
integrityblues July 29th, 2019

@stunTic

Yep, I've done this. One of the things I hate about my depression is that I usually have to lie to a person's face. I never say that I'm depressed. I'm only tired, then add some bit of information that's relevant to what I usually speak about with that person.

Coffee shop barista- "Oh hell, you guys know how it is! I was up forever and need my coffee to feel alive again, right?"

Person on the street I nearly walk into or am too depressed to bother making eyecontact with- "Whoops! I didn't see you there, I guess I'm a little distracted. Sorry!"

Classmates or other people I know at my college campus: "Nice to see you!"/ "Ugh, this semester can't be over fast enough, right?"/ "Me? Oh, I'm doing okay, I'm just a little tired."

I anything I'm more honest about my feelings or worries when I have to write them out in a post like this or in an email to a friend.

1 reply
Stanlee00 OP July 29th, 2019

@integrityblues I'd like to think that at least sharing on here or as you said, to a friend via email, is the first step to being more honest. I know what you mean about the whole lying thing. And for me it gets a bit overwhelming at times. I'm glad you could share here.

Hope you have a lovely rest of your day

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