a vent i guess

I started 2024 off great and went down quickly. Now self love is distant because I let myself stay in an unhealthy friendship for so long. My anxiety went crazy after texting someone I didn’t even like just so I could feel something. Then after the anxiety was high for like a month, it was gone. Everything, gone. I hardly remember small events anymore. Though unimportant, my short term memory has helped me romanticize life and enjoy it more. Now I can’t romanticize bad things or okay things or anything. Therapy doesn’t help me but when I tell people they think I don’t want help. Now I’m just a burden, a weight, on myself and everyone around me. I would still care about everyone stupid word I say, but I don’t have the energy anymore. 

Everything is peaceful now, but this sadness hugs me tight all day, everyday, making me wonder if it’s guilt or pain or just nothing. All emotions feel the same except for happiness, which I forget the feeling of almost immediately. Live in the moment,

I guess.