Too much Empathy + Demotivation
I have dreams I want to fulfil.
Thoughts I think up everyday as my imagination goes wild.
Realism hurts hard at me as I think about how my thoughts are too "out-there" for me, and... what's the point when pain hits us hard?
I do not know if I have been exposed to things too much, or simply exposed too little because I'm only a new, young teenager. However, I keep seeing pain across the internet and around the corners, and it only influences loads of pain and chills down my spine. The world overwhelms me with all its negativity, destroying any motivation I have to take onto my dreams and try. Heck- I probably don't know everything and I'm scared to know, terrified. I don't want to become an adult, I don't want to see the future, I am not ready. I don't know who I want to be when I grow up. People can say that I'm young and I still got time, but watch, time will fly away. Time will slip out of my hand and now I'm suddenly older. Imagination drives me pain sometimes. Why must my mind be so vivid and dark, yet my heart so soft and sensitive? I cry like a little baby as I think of my fears and things I have to accept in this planet like death. My pets will go away from me, everyone I love will go away, I will go away. I have to work things out in my own mind, but it's too difficult. Just reading or hearing something horrible, makes me feel a lot of emotions at once. I hate hearing about bad things that happen to people, or to hear that one of my loved ones are having a bad day. I'm too overdramatic about it, I'll literally freak-out as my mind cannot rest. Horrible days or horrible things that happened in the past, I hate how they bother me so much. Things bother me a whole lot and I really hate it, yet I don't even know if I can make a change in this planet. My attitude towards myself is so low, I hate myself, been hating myself for years. I keep distracting myself and shaming myself for progress I make on things. Drawings, I hate every single one of them. They aren't perfect just YET, but when is that yet? I want that yet to be now, but it won't be. I have muffled dreams to become an artist/animator, however, I cannot enjoy and have fun with the progress. I give up quickly, and I shame myself for that. I hate learning, and I shame myself for that. I have a lot of burdens that I carry in a metal backpack, and I'm climbing a mountain. I see others slip and fall. I just watch the cycle over and over, when I slip myself and stumble. I want to catch them and help, but I feel too hurt and unready to try. I think of myself as unkind, uncaring, and aloof. Even though seeing other pain's makes me feel a lot of pain myself. Too much of it. Why is that? Why am I so empathetic? Is it because I classify myself a HSP? Other reasons? Am I just experiencing on TRULY how much pain this world gives to everyone, and I'm struggling to handle it? Would I say I hate this world? Well, I feel like I want to say "yes?" My mind is too boggled by negativity to think of positivity. Is there MORE negativity than positivity? It feels like it, but I should focus on my own life, but no... I constantly think of others and then I think about how I can face the same pain. I imagine violent scenarios in my head, I imagine things that bring me misery, I feel like I can hear screams and see all the blood and terror. Am I being too overdramatic? Why do all these intrusive and pesky thoughts fly around in my brain, buzzing and buzzing? What can I do to stop them? I can't enjoy and experience life with all the commotion inside of my brain.
@Megalomentaurus
Oh yes, the age old questions and concerns of an honest person. I can’t speak for others but I can speak from my own experiences, I feel these are the same internal conversations I had and from time to time still have. These things can be overwhelming. But there is HOPE.
We are here. You are not alone.
It does seem you are experiencing as I have experienced over and over. Your thoughts and your feels are valid and acknowledged. It is OK to feel as you do and to have empathy right now.
While many of my reactions are slightly different than yours, the concept principal is about the same. Generally for me it is a spiraling effect, one after another.
Grounding techniques help with such matters. What techniques work for you?
@Barltik2065
Hello. I generally don't have a functioning grounding technique. I've been taught one, that being the 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste/feel (emotionally). However, I get too focused on my thoughts instead, it's my own fault. I focus on them, my fears, my racing head, my rapid heartbeat, my tears falling down my eyes if I cry, and all my body reactions. This isn't a GOOD thing, however, as it makes me feel worse. I self-hate and shame myself for feeling SO dramatic about it. I guess I could say I "care" about a topic if it makes me feel a whole lot, which is good in someway, but MANY things I haven't experienced myself personally. So, it's weird if I cry and sob about them. Generally, I have this bully in my head, a fake friend, who scoffs and snarls at me if I am showing too much emotion. People around me, if they saw me like this, could see that I'm soft and potentially bully and take advantage of me. I already have a "fake friend" in my mind who only congratulates me when I do something big, but spits at me everywhere else if I don't do much.
@Megalomentaurus
That is great you have the 5,4,3,2,1 ~ Alter it to meet your needs. As in Example, you could take off your shoes and socks. Feel the ground underneath you. Is it warm? Then focus on the texture, smooth, rough, etc. then if it is warm do you feel cool air over your feet? If it is cold, do you feel the warm air flow over?
One of the principals in grounding for me, is to redirect and bring me into the now. Next is to give me a quick moment to collect my faculties. Which then give me a firm basis to meet the current situation or challenge. I try to keep it simple to start and the build off of it. Helps with the emotions and thoughts that drive into the spiral.
I have someone who points out all the things I did wrong or could have done better. My “fake friend” (to use your term LOL) reminds me frequently on how I could have worded something (like this) better or things I should have said during a conversation. Or how stupid I looked crossing the crosswalk when someone is looking in my direction. For me, I use that to my advantage to make myself better or to see everything from a different perspective. I take it and master it and use it every chance I can to help me be a better person a better spouse.
It’s ok to be sensitive or HSP, we just need to use it to meet our needs. Having empathy is good. It helps with connecting with people and relationships. But shaming and self-hate is not. Have you talked with anyone on this?