How would one go by to opening up to friends?
Hello, I've been in this for a while now and with some recent events I thought of asking this question, as soon I want to open up to my friends about how I feel, one that I personally wouldn't call having depression, being undiagnosed and thoroughly unsure and not really considering it, but still enough to want me to tell them since I feel like they deserve to know.
This wasn't the first time I've opened up to them. As a matter of fact, I've already opened up to them about past attempts and history of self-harm, but I never really expanded on that. They're aware of my immense low self-esteem, and I've also promised to stop self-harm (that I've been so far doing a good job on).
However, I wanted to officially open up exactly on these. Previous times I've kind of tried when we let ourselves to open up, but somehow things get overwhelming all of a sudden and I end up sobbing without clearly saying what I want to say. It's much easier in chat, but I feel bad if I do it in chat because not everyone goes to chat and that there's this loss of intimacy on-screen compared to real life.
And as much as I really do want to, I can't help but feel worry about what will happen if I did. What if I end up not properly saying what I wanted to say again, what if they think I'm trying to make myself feel "special", what if they do comfort me but it was them pretending, what if I end up making them feel bad about themselves? I worry even more so with the fact that one of them indeed was diagnosed with depression, and I feel like I'd be invalidating her if I share my story, and even feel like I'm trying to be special as we all care deeply for her. And, sometimes I feel like I don't want my friends to worry so much about me, that they might care less for her or something.
Sometimes, even I myself doubt about these feelings I have. Every time I look back on why I seem to feel like this, there doesn't seem to be anything. I had a normal family and life. Sure I kind of got bullied when I was young but I quickly got over that I think. Sure sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for my family but like is it their fault for that?
I got a bit off-topic. But the question still remains, I still want to open up. I love them, and sometimes it just hurts to keep it all in. I'm scared and worried, but I still want to do it. I just don't know how when I feel like I'll get all tongue tied and just break down before I could say anything again.
@Suhlkia
What do you seek to change ?
@lucidpanic
I just want that we all could be able to confide with each other, and that we'd help each other out and such, I guess
@Suhlkia
sorry for the empty posts, The Site weirded on me.
As far i understand you mentioned that you are able to open to your friends, but when that chance comes.. the whole emotions and troubles are to big ? to overwhelming to simply put into words. Is it this cause its to much bagage , and it would take long to unpack it all ? Or is it more cause its unknown, uncertain , things you yet are not completly clear on ?
But personally i dont think there is a rule to follow, such conversations will depend on the person involved and how much they want and can to open. As you mentioned it will be a different way of communication than happens online, and such display of stong emotions may be a good part of it.
I asked about your goals, cause all people look for different things .. Some want emotional connection, someone who will share their emotions and help to express them.. Others look for a different point of view, outsider perspective. Some might want a help to analyze and rationalize the emotions, to intergrate them conceptually.
Well so the question is, i guess, where do you feel disconeccted.
@lucidpanic
I feel like it's a bit of both. I feel like I won't be able to get them all across, yet a part of it feels like that that's not the case. Also, I'm afraid I don't quite understand your question about disconnection.
@Suhlkia
Well, guess i paraphased that incorectly. With disconect i mean , something that does not allow you to connect with others completly. Do you feel that you would not find acceptance or open ear when adressing your friends, or is it something like reluctance or fear on your side ?
@lucidpanic
That's alright, English isn't exactly my mother tongue anyway.
Anyways to answer your question, there's actually a friend of mine among them that I've confided with the most and is supporting me to open up. She firmly believes they'll be supportive and accepting, but a part of me still feels some sort of worry that I can't exactly put into words other than just the fact that there's still a part of me that wonders if this really is a good idea.
