How would one go by to opening up to friends?
Hello, I've been in this for a while now and with some recent events I thought of asking this question, as soon I want to open up to my friends about how I feel, one that I personally wouldn't call having depression, being undiagnosed and thoroughly unsure and not really considering it, but still enough to want me to tell them since I feel like they deserve to know.
This wasn't the first time I've opened up to them. As a matter of fact, I've already opened up to them about past attempts and history of self-harm, but I never really expanded on that. They're aware of my immense low self-esteem, and I've also promised to stop self-harm (that I've been so far doing a good job on).
However, I wanted to officially open up exactly on these. Previous times I've kind of tried when we let ourselves to open up, but somehow things get overwhelming all of a sudden and I end up sobbing without clearly saying what I want to say. It's much easier in chat, but I feel bad if I do it in chat because not everyone goes to chat and that there's this loss of intimacy on-screen compared to real life.
And as much as I really do want to, I can't help but feel worry about what will happen if I did. What if I end up not properly saying what I wanted to say again, what if they think I'm trying to make myself feel "special", what if they do comfort me but it was them pretending, what if I end up making them feel bad about themselves? I worry even more so with the fact that one of them indeed was diagnosed with depression, and I feel like I'd be invalidating her if I share my story, and even feel like I'm trying to be special as we all care deeply for her. And, sometimes I feel like I don't want my friends to worry so much about me, that they might care less for her or something.
Sometimes, even I myself doubt about these feelings I have. Every time I look back on why I seem to feel like this, there doesn't seem to be anything. I had a normal family and life. Sure I kind of got bullied when I was young but I quickly got over that I think. Sure sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for my family but like is it their fault for that?
I got a bit off-topic. But the question still remains, I still want to open up. I love them, and sometimes it just hurts to keep it all in. I'm scared and worried, but I still want to do it. I just don't know how when I feel like I'll get all tongue tied and just break down before I could say anything again.