Always Jaded.
For the past few months I've struggled to care about anybody or anything. I don't really have any passion or motivation for things I like, I can't make friends and I feel all alone. I randomly have thoughts about how if I were to end it, how I'd do it, what I'd write. I have SH urges too, because I really don't care.
When I'm driving and having I always play a specific playlist
that I basically call the "If I Die" playlist, all of which are happy little songs because I feel like hey, if I'm gone, thats fine. I've lived enough.
Idk if this whole "Jaded" Not-giving-a-crap thing qualifies as depression, do any of you know? Regardless, it sucks because I'm always lonely, Any friends I did have are distant or dislike me now because I just don't care about things. I want friends, but I can't connect. Aquaintances, sure, but nobody I form a legitimate attatchment to.
Idk what counts as depression, so I figured I'd ask here to see.
@HarperSaber
Depression, is a mood disorder with a group of symptoms including constant sadness or lack of interest in life.
Since you said you are feeling disinterested about things, it does sound like a symptom.
It may help for you to speak to your doctor about this<3
They may be able to provide you more helpful resources💛💫
It definitely sounds like the symptoms of depression. What kinds of things are you doing to try to develop some support system? @HarperSaber
Honestly nothing. Drawing's basically the only thing I feel good at so i just do that. Idk if that counts. That or just using video games to ignore everything. I don't want to talk to my parents because they'll get all dramatic. The last time I showed signs, they looked through everything I had, banned me from all social media, and told liyeraly everyone that I was s.h-ing
They took me to the doctor bc I had pretty bad memory loss, but they had me fill the depression survey deal right next to my mom, so I wasn't honest on it because she was hovering over me. istg they need to remove parents from the damn room for things like that.
Those things do count and it is obvious that you are trying. Trying does matter.
Maybe we can figure out a way for you to contact the doctor without your parents fully knowing or overreacting. Have you thought about emailing them and asking them for a private meeting with the doctor - ie. coming in saying you have one symptom when it is really the depression? If the doctor's office knows this beforehand, they might be able to make it happen. They are there to help you not your parents.@HarperSaber
Thats a good idea, but I'm not sure how I'd actually get there w/o my parents knowing. They have GPS on my phone and I dont leave the house enough for them not to be suspicious :/
Ill see what I can do with that though, thank you 💛
I have a meeting with my first ever therapist on Tuesday. My doctor said shes a bit crazy which is probably a good thing aha
I hope it goes well because she seems nice from the emails we sent back and forth
That is also great! The first appointment is usually the hardest just not knowing what it will be like, but you get more comfortable quickly. @HarperSaber
